I'm Sorry
by supernaturaldh
Summary: Sam is overwrought with grief as he watches the bright yellow glow of light, one thought repeats itself over and over in his head – Oh my god - I did this! A limp Sam, big brother Dean Story. Warning - Spoiler Lucifer Rising. Winning Story SNFA Round 18
1. Chapter 1

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – ****Spoiler Alert **

**A/N – Well, this is just something to occupy my mind while the show is on hiatus. I am bummed. So I decided to do my own take on what could happen right after Lucifer rises. Hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think. – Denise-**

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Summary:** Sam is overwrought with grief as he watches the bright yellow glow of light, one thought repeats itself over and over in his head – Oh my god - I did this! A limp Sam, big brother Dean Story.

**Chapter One **

_Dean starts forward pulling out the knife, as Ruby stands._

"_You're too late," she says. _

"_I don't care," Dean growls, and raises his arm. _

_Just as Ruby is about to move, Sam grabs her arms from behind, keeping her still and Dean stabs here in the stomach. She falls to the ground, dead. _

_Dean slowly raises his eyes to look at Sam._

_Sam looks back at him._

"_I'm sorry," Sam says._

_At that moment, a light suddenly appears in the middle of the circle of blood, and the circle begins to turn. The boys watch in horror. Dean slowly raises his hand and grabs Sam's jacket, just as Sam reaches for his. _

"_Sammy, let's go, "Dean says. _

"_Dean," Sam says weakly, "He's coming." _

_The boys hold onto each other as the light burns brighter. Lucifer is rising._

The next moments are a blur. Dean feels Sam's fingers clutching at him tighter as his little brother seems to shake violently from fear. Dean knows they need to move, but he is momentarily mesmerized by the bright white glow of light. _Is this the end? Where are the freak'n angels? _

Suddenly the building seems to sway, cracking and moaning in the mayhem. The light beam grows larger and brighter and Dean's mind finally springs back into action. _Shit, got to get Sam out of here. _

"Move Sam, MOVE!" Dean yells above the rumbling of falling debris. He grips Sam tighter and nudges him forward with excessive force.

Sam stumbles, but stays spellbound, eyes staring blankly into the amber glow of light.

Dean clutches at Sam's shoulders, giving him a little shake.

"Sammy?"

He can feel Sam's body shuddering beneath his hands. He darts concerned green eyes up to look at Sam's face, realizing immediately that something is going on with his little brother. Sam is too pale, sweat beaded up against his forehead, hair sticking wayward and wild around his eyes. His pupils are wide and unfocused and his breath is coming out in tiny little gasps. Dean isn't sure if his brother is afraid, or in shock, either way, they need to move their asses, now.

Dean grabs Sam's jacket with both hands and jerks him forward just as the room begins to sway. The light is now a dark tawny color, as the building begins to roar and moan. The air is thick and stagnant as time seems to suddenly just stand still. But, Dean is relentless as he pushes and shoves his staggering little brother toward the door. "Jesus, Sammy, move faster," he screams above the howl.

The ceiling begins to reign down upon them, Dean's hands flailing up to cover his face. He glances at Sam and realizes that he is not doing anything, just staggering along in a daze. He reaches forward, grabs Sam's large hands and places them up across his head.

"Cover your head Sam," Dean yells.

Sam just stares at him blankly, letting his hands fall limply back against his sides.

Dean pushes him forward. _Shit, this is bad._

The large boulders and beams slam against the floor, crashing and thudding down around them. Windows crack as the screeching sound escalates to a fevered pitch, a low moan inside the bright red light that is rising to an ear shattering decimal. Dean's hands press against his ears to shield them from the loud noise. "Sam, cover your ears," he yells. But Sam does nothing, just looks wide eyed back at Dean, "Jesus, run Sam, run."

The roar of the room seems to drown out any words that Dean may be yelling. Sam can see his brother's lips move, but, it is like everything is going in slow motion for him. He is so scared. _I did this I opened up the gate for Lucifer to raise up from hell. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. _ He can't breath, his chest constricting so tightly that he knows he's going to die from lack of oxygen. He pants to pull in air. _Ruby lied, Ruby lied, she lied, I trusted her, she lied…_ He stumbles forward when he feels Dean give him another hard shove._ Dean was right, Dean was right._ Ruby's words ring inside his head mocking him, suffocating him. _You did this, you opened the door. He's free at last. And it is written…that the first demon shall be the last seal. _He glances back over his shoulder, eyes dark, and wide with fear._ It was you, Sam, you're choices – I just gave you the options, and you chose the right path. Every time! You didn't need the feather to fly – you had it in you the whole time, dumbo._ He feels Dean's fingers gripping his arm, holding him steady as the room rocks around them. He stops abruptly; eyes staring fixedly back at Ruby's dead body, his mind racing with her words. The humming noise is growing louder, and it feels like his ears are bleeding from the sound. He can't breath, he can't move. _He did this._ He feels Dean shoving at him, pushing, but he can't seem to take his eyes off of the light, or Ruby, or what he's done. _This is a miracle! So long in coming. Everything Azazel did, and Lillith did, just to get you here! And you were the one who could do it! _His sluggish mind is barely making out his older brother's words as he stumbles forward. "…over your ears, run Sam run…" _ It had to be you, Sammy, it was always you. You saved us, you set him free! _ Sam stumbles again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The words roll unconsciously off his lips as he is barreled through the doorway, Dean shuffling along behind.

Dean can barely hear Sam above the roaring noise, but he makes out the low whimpered words that his little brother seems to be mumbling to himself, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." _Oh God, this is such a freaking mess…Sam's a mess…how did I let this happen? Where are the freaking angels?_

A large explosion from behind them rocks the building, the room bathed in a red fireball of light.

Sudden realization that the roof is caving in sends Dean diving for his brother in one swift motion, barreling them both uncoordinatedly beneath a wooden pew. He vaguely feels Sam's shuddering next o him as St. Mary's Covenant shatters loudly toward the ground. A large weight plummets down upon him, and he gasps against the pain. He can't feel Sammy anymore, as the darkness takes him down.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – ****Spoiler Alert **

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Two**

Bobby Singer paces the length of his living room, eyes scanning his many books and manuals on the supernatural. _Where the hell did Dean go, one minute he's here, the next he's gone. Damn angels._ He sighs loudly and yanks the ball cap from his thinning hair. _Lot of good these damn books do me if I can't even help my boys. _ It breaks his heart to see the Winchester brothers in such a state as they are right now. Sam addicted to demon blood and listening to the ranting of that stupid bitch Ruby, and Dean, ready to just throw in the damn towel, writing Sam off as no longer being his little brother. _How the hell did things get so out of control?_

A sudden rustling behind him and he spins around, eyes glaring at the rain-coat shrouded man. His fingers hastily grip at the 45 tucked neatly in his waistband, eyes scanning the dark haired intruder standing just in front of him._ Dean said Castiel dressed like Colombo? Well holy shit, an angel in the flesh._

"You need to get to St. Mary's Convent in Ilchester, Maryland right now!" the angel says abruptly as he looks with steel blue eyes at Bobby. He raises his palm open toward the hunters face.

Bobby takes a step backwards, eyes glaring at the so called angels face. "Castiel, I presume."

Castiel nods slightly, a small smile curling to his lips.

Bobby eases his fingers away from his hand gun as he gives the wrinkle clad angel an assessing look. _Humph, you think angels would look, well, more angelic._

"Listen, I would love to stay and chat you up, but Dean and Sam are in trouble and you need to get to the church right now. You must go, now!" Castiel states anxiously.

Bobby's eyes widen. "Now how do you suppose I get from my house here all the way to Maryland right now?" _Uh oh, didn't Dean say the angel took him back in time. _

Castiels hand rises again as he steps forward in one swift motion. His palm rests quickly against Bobby's forehead.

All of a sudden Bobby is bathed in a white light and a blur of nothingness. Ears ringing, he blinks to get his bearings. _What the shit_? His vision clears and he realizes he is no longer in his living room, but standing in front of a pile of rubble, a burned out building with black smoke bellowing up, the fresh scent of burning wood and ash assaulting his tender senses. He blinks at the old church sign indicating he is indeed at St. Mary's Convent. The devastation grips him tightly as adrenaline pumps wildly through his veins. He darts forward, one thing on his mind. _Where are my boys? _

"DEAN…SAM…where are you? He yells loudly. Silence greeting his ears.

Stumbling through the rubble, Bobby's worry escalates. _This looks like a bomb went off. _He lets his eyes scan the debris scattered floor, beams, rocks, crosses, and church pews all strewn around and dropped like a tornado had hit the tiny structure.

"DEAN?" he yells louder as he begins to physically move the remains aside, eyes scouting and looking for any sign of Dean or Sam.

It's then that he sees it, the familiar denim jacket the Dean likes so much to wear, the one he had on earlier today at Bobby's house. His heart thuds loudly in his ears as he recognizes the arm that is flailed up and out from under one end of a church pew, buried beneath a large mound of rubble. The senior hunter rushes forward, feet barely scuffing the ground as he runs toward the wayward limb. Squatting down immediately, Bobby's fingers dig and grab, move and shuffle. The rock and wood fling and fly off of the unconscious body.

"Dean, you with me boy?" the older hunter whispers as he continues to move debris away.

Dean grimaces.

Halfway uncovered, Bobby recognizes Dean's struggles to wake up.

"Dean, open your eyes, come on." Bobby encourages as he continues to move objects off of Dean's lax body.

The older hunter is rewarded when the sandy haired kid rolls his head over and blinks open sluggish green eyes to gaze up at him.

"Dean?"

"B...b'by?" Dean gasps out as he looks blankly up at the older man. "Where…what's go'n on?"

"Easy there kid, you had half a church on top of you."

Bobby brushes the remaining debris off of Dean and grips him tightly by the arm. "What's hurt'n? Can you set up?"

Dean blinks wide eyed, sudden recognition dawning on his face. _ Holy shit, where's Sam?_ "Wh'rs Sammy?" He grimaces as a sharp pain penetrates his chest and his hands flail around for purchase. He has to find Sam.

Bobby grips the young hunter around his thrashing arm. "Easy…easy Dean, we'll find'em."

"Sam, he was right here, we…we…oh God, Lucifer is free." Dean sucks in a weary breath of air and sags in Bobby's hold.

Bobby attempts to process Dean's words. _Lucifer is free? _ Pushing his questions aside, he doesn't have time to dwell on what has happened here, only what he needs to do. _Take care of the boys. _

"Okay, you stay right here and I'll look for Sam."

The young hunter nods slowly, hand resting against a rock, he leans slightly attempting to pull himself up to stand, pain radiating down inside his chest. _Okay, not such a good idea._ He looks intently up at Bobby as he sucks in another gulp of oxygen. _It's hard to breath. _As much as he doesn't like the idea, his body is in a world of pain right now, and he knows that Bobby will find his brother. He nods weakly and watches as Bobby continues to sling rock and wreckage around. _Please god, let Sammy be okay. I'll do anything you want, just don't take my brother away from me, not again. _If Dean didn't believe before, he knows he has to now, he has to stop Lucifer, and he has to save his little brother. Sam needs him more now than ever. He blinks back his wayward tears and glances around the wreakage. _ It looks like a freaking bomb went off here. _

Bobby's heart thuds in his chest as he recognizes the tan jacket lying partly beneath a jagged beam of wood. Brown hair covered in blood peaks out from beneath the object, and the older hunter's stomach momentarily churns. _Sweet Jesus._

"I found him." he yells as he flings the dirt, wood, and rocks off of Sam's limp body. He slowly lifts the beam away from Sam's head, noticing the large gash that adorns the younger man's skull from just behind his left ear down behind his neck. _Okay, that's gonna leave a mark. _He hears a whimpered moan as Dean moves behind him, and he knows the older brother is attempting to stand and get to Sam's side. _Hard headed son of a bitch. _

Bobby gently turns Sam over, eyes taking in the pale face, the sweaty profile of shock very familiar in the older hunter's world. He immediately removes his outer shirt and covers Sam with it. His hand tugs a bandana from his blue jean pocket and places it against the large gash on Sammy's head. He presses lightly to stave off the excessive bleeding. Sam moans lightly, and Bobby's heart soars. _ That's a good sign; he's trying to wake up._ He glances up as Dean slumps slowly down next to him, fingers gripping at his shoulder like a vice.

"Sammy?" the big brother whispers in between his heaving gasps.

"He's gonna be okay Dean, just took a lump on the head." Bobby offers hoping Dean will accept his assessment. His brown eyes gleam at Dean and he blinks back the excessive moisture.

Dean nods, blinking back his own tears. He wraps his left arm tightly around his waist to steady his broken ribs, as he seats awkwardly down on the ground next to Sam.

"So, how we getting out of here?" Dean asks curiously as he looks down at his brother.

Bobby moves his free hand to yank his cell phone from his pocket. "Well obviously, ain't a damn angel going to do it for us, or he'd be here already." The older man rolls his eyes and quickly punches in 911.

Dean huffs in silent agreement. He blinks sluggishly, but keeps his eyes fixated on his little brother. His hand caresses across Sam's forehead and pushes back the wayward bangs. He listens to Bobby give instructions to the operator on where to send the ambulance. _Man, he hates hospitals. _

Sam stirs slightly, eyes fluttering but not opening, head leaning in toward Dean.

"Easy Sammy, it's okay, I'm right here," he whispers. "I'm not going anywhere, it's you and me brother, you and me."


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – ****Spoiler Alert **

**A/N- **Thank you for all the great reviews - and you guys know who you are. You are the best!! Please remember, you are entering a beta free zone, so be nice!

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Three**

Bobby Singers dark eyes scan the dimly lit evening sky surrounding St Mary's; the moon giving a haunting glow to the destroyed remains of the aged church. The hunter's ears recognize the sound of sirens as they wail way off in the distance. He waits impatiently for help to arrive. He can feel the blood saturated rag beneath his callous fingers, smell the coppery scent floating in around the stagnant, dusty air. He holds the crimson cloth tighter against the kids' bleeding skull, knowing that Sam's in a really bad way. _Shit, the kid is still unconscious._ That thought alone makes his stomach churn.

He looks blankly across at Dean's pain riddled image, his surrogate son's forehead resting gently against his little brother's limp shoulder, mouth tilted against Sam's chestnut hair. He can vaguely see Dean's lips moving, mumbling whispered words against his brother's ear. He keens his head to the side, listening, straining to hear the words, then, suddenly feels like an intruder and turns his head away. He feels the warmth rise to his own eye lids, Dean's words making his chest clinch tighter in an angry mass of rage. _ It's just not fair, what did these boys ever do to deserve this. _

"It's okay Sammy, big brother's right here; I'm not going anywhere, kiddo, its okay."

The silent mantra ghosts across Dean's pale lips, pain lines pinched tightly around his bright green eyes. If Sammy can hear him, he doesn't respond, his eyes stay closed, his head leaning gently against his big brother's side. He can feel Bobby's hand fisting tightly into his denim jacket, offering his quiet, unconditional support, and he raises his heavy head slowly to stare pleadingly at the older man. _Why Bobby, why is this happening to us? _

Bobby gazes into the sluggish green eyes.

"Dean, stay with me son," he whispers as he gives Dean's arm a little shake.

Dean can feel the pain radiating in his chest with every ragged gasp for air. He is sure he has several broken ribs and the pain is excruciating. He glances slowly around, his foggy mind trying to determine if Lucifer has really risen. It looks like a war zone, and he is happy just to be alive, for Sam to be alive. He is sure the demon is long gone, screaming off to end the world. _Put that on the 'to do' list for later._

The older brother sighs heavily and looks back at Bobby's anxious face. He can hear the distant sounds of sirens as they grow louder in the wind. He sucks in several gulps of air. Tears well up in his eyes, and he attempts to hold them back, but he can't fight it, he knows he's going to cry. _ Why has this happened? Why did I let this happen? I let my little brother be tricked into releasing Lucifer, by demons and angels alike, what the hell? _ Silent tears roll slowly down his cheeks to plummet quickly to the ground. He remembers the shattered look on Sammy's face, the confusion and hurt that radiated from his brothers liquid hazel eyes._ Sammy was lost, drowning, and I should have been there, I should have stopped it._ He moves one hand slowly up and pushes the wayward bangs from his little brother's forehead._ It's my job to make everything okay._

Dean raises his head slowly and looks sadly back at Bobby. _The man's been more like a Dad to us than John Winchester ever was. _ He see's Bobby's concerned face and recognizes the strength the older man provides, the reminder that family is all you really have in this world, and all you'll ever really need._ You can't pick your family son. _Bobby's words echo in his head and he heaves in a large gulp of air, shores up his shoulders, and brushes one hand against his pain laced face, angrily swiping at the wayward tears. _ I'm going to fix this, Sammy! _He coos more words of comfort against Sammy's lolling head.

"Its okay kiddo, big brother's gonna fix this, it's going to be okay."

**-0- **

It was the strong stench of antiseptic and alcohol that pulls him for his medicated slumber. He blinks open heavy eye lids to gaze groggily at the pristine white ceiling just above his head. _Oh shit, I'm in a hospital. _Far too many hunting trips gone asunder, too many injuries that require way more than a band aid and a quick 'you're okay' come to mind. He'd been in this position way to many times in his life. His eyes quickly dart around the room, settling immediately on the man slumped asleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair.

"Bobby?" his hoarse voice croaks out. _Damn, I sound like shit. _

The older man immediately stirs, hands slamming haphazardly to the arms of the chair, feet pushing to stand on stiff sleep laden legs.

"Dean? Thank god!" the older man says with shear relief evident in his tone. He shuffles awkwardly toward the side of the bed, brown eyes gleaming brightly down at Dean.

_Everything is hazy. Why am I in the hospital, what happened? _Dean looks with confusion up at Bobby, his fingers reaching awkwardly up to tug at the offensive object that is niggling at his nose.

Bobby's large hand immediately grips his and pulls it away from his face. "Leave it Dean, its oxygen, its helping."

Dean lets his hand drop limply to the mattress. He looks curiously back at Bobby. _Why do I need oxygen? _Sudden realization dawns on him and he feels panic rise up in his chest. His hands flounder around for purchase as he pushes hastily to exit off the bed.

"Sammy?" he whispers in a shaky voice, eyes pleading with Bobby for some confirmation that his little brother is still alive.

Bobby's hands grip Dean tightly by the forearms, pressing him gently back down against the bed. "He's in the room next door." The older man offers with a forbidding smile, grip unrelenting in his attempt to keep Dean lying down.

Dean visibly relaxes, relief flooding through his limbs. He slumps back slowly to the pillow.

"You need to stay put you idgit, you got three broken ribs and a concussion going on in that thick head of yours." Bobby sighs, tugging one hand up to remove his hat. "Sam's still unconscious; don't know when he's waking up." He tugs the hat back down firmly on his head. "He got thirty four stitches in his head, broke his shoulder too, damn beam weighed a freaking ton."

Dean stars wide eyed at Bobby, "Holy shit." The older brother pauses taking in all of Bobby's words. "He's still unconscious?" he whispers slowly, voice laden with concern.

"Yeah, doctors think he should wake up anytime though, shoulder took the brunt of the blow. I've been jumping back and forth from one room to the other all damn day."

Dean pushes to set up, finger wrenching off the offending oxygen mask as his feet fall abruptly to the side of the bed. He moans slightly with the physical motion, arm curling protectively around his midsection. _Humph, need more drugs, that's for sure._

Bobby watches, irritation flashing across his face. "Damn it Dean, I said stay still," he practically shouts.

"Not happening Bobby, I got to be with Sammy."

Bobby rolls his eyes. He knows this is a useless fight. He sighs, and then assists Dean to slip into his blue jeans, remove the hospital gown and ease his arms into his over shirt, remembering the tee shirt that was cut off in emergency. The older hunter mentally scolds him self when he stoops down to help Dean into his shoes and hears him moan slightly with the movements. _I know he's hurting, I should make him stay put._ Bobby shakes his head, standing up, he stares fixedly at Dean. _This kid is one hard headed son of a bitch, but mostly, he's a big brother. _The senior hunter is just glad to see Dean back in the role of watching out for Sammy. _It being the end of the world and all... _He smiles, and grips his young friend by the elbow, leading him slowly toward the door.

**Okay, how am I doing? Reviews please…**

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	4. Chapter 4

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – ****Spoiler Alert **

**A/N- **You are about to enter a beta free zone, so be nice! Just my take on what might happen after Lucifer Rising. Of course, the real Season Five will be much better than my make believe, of that much I am sure!

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Four**

Dean shuffles slowly through the doorway, eyes fixated on Sam's unconscious form. The sudden urge to pull away from Bobby and run to his brother's side attempts to overtake him, but he knows he's not up to it, fears he will topple to the floor without the older hunters grip against his arm. So, he submits to the laborious journey, relents to Bobby's hold.

It seems like forever, but he finally makes it to the chair by Sam's bed, Bobby easing him to set against the cold plastic form. He can feel the strain of his lungs attempting to pull in oxygen against the restrictive binds against his chest; just the walk from his room to Sam's has worn him out. He leans forward slowly, eyes scanning his little brothers mangled body.

Sam's a mess. Two IV's cording to his veins; a blood pressure cuff adorning his free arm, a heart monitor clipped tightly to his finger. If that isn't overwhelming enough, the kid has a lot of cuts and bruises that cover his face, his neck, and his long muscular arms, making him look like he was on the loosing end of a bad bar fight. It breaks Dean's heart to see the large white bandage that is wrapped securely around his little brother's head, covering most of Sam's wild and wayward hair. The dark black circles under his eyes are pronounced, the result of the head injury, no doubt, and the large shoulder cast is overtaking him, pinning his arm tightly to his chest. Dean swallows convulsively, Sam looks too small in this bed, and Sammy never looks small, hasn't since he was a gangly limbed fourteen-year old. The fleeting image makes Dean smile, and he reaches out for Sam's fingers, pulling his brother's free hand to clutch it tightly in his own.

"You still sleeping kiddo? Time to wake your ass up, we got work to do little brother."

Bobby smirks silently and takes a step back toward the door. _ I'll just give the boys some space._

"I'm getting us some coffee." The older hunter says timidly as he scuffles from the room.

Dean nods a slow yes, but his eyes never leave Sam's face, as his thumb rubs soothing circles against the top of his baby brother's hand.

**-0-**__

Bobby Singer glances across Sam's bed to look at Dean, the kid looks in a world of pain scrunched up in that uncomfortable hospital chair. _Need to get him back in bed._ He watches and listens to Dean's continual mumblings to his brother, has been for the last hour and a half. Dean apologizing to Sam, telling him all about what happened, about how Lucifer wasn't such a big deal, that they would take him down, just like they had every other evil thing that roamed the earth. The older man smiles; Dean is definitely back in full force, broken ribs or not. He's taking charge of the situation, going back into big brother mode, and taking care of Sam. The older hunter sighs. _It'll be nice to have things back to normal, well, as normal as they can get with Lucifer's rise from hell. _

**-0-**

Sam can hear the familiar low ramblings against his ear; he can feel the warm breath being expelled against his hair. _ Dean?_ He recognizes the sound of his older brother's voice, the soft cadence of concern that he has heard his entire life. He can't see him, but he knows his brother's near, reciting soothing words, tugging at his senses to come back to the waking world. 

Dean is immediately aware of the signs of Sam's waking to the conscious world, the fluttering of his brother's eyelashes, and the slight turning of his head. He leans in closer.

"Wake up Sammy, open those eyes for me."

The older brother waits and watches, finally squeezing Sam's hand tighter, hoping that pain will bring him back around.

Sam frowns, fingers flinching, seemingly struggling to open up his eyes.

Bobby stands and makes hasty steps to Sam's side; he pulls his hand across Sam's bruised and battered brow, tugging the small amount of bangs that have slipped out of from beneath the bandage aside.

"Sam," the senior hunter's deep voice encourages, "Wake up."

"SAM, that's an order." Dean demands in a voice haunting like John Winchesters.

Sam complies; slowly opening heavy eyelids to look sluggishly up at Dean. He blinks, eyelids drooping back down to half mast.

"Hey, hey, no you don't kiddo, look at me." Dean insists as he releases his hold on Sam's lax fingers and cups his pale cheek against his hand. His thumb caresses Sam's cheekbone, hoping to pull the young man back awake.

"D?" Sam mumbles thickly as he blinks his heavy lids. With still blurry vision he glances around the small room taking in the drab walls. Clearing his parched throat he tries again, "Dean?"

Dean smiles, he recognizes the medicated voice whispering the one word he really needs to hear. _Sam knows who he is. _ Always with a head injury he worries, but relief is evident on his face, and he grins brightly across at Bobby.

"Welcome back kid." Bobby says as a shit eating grin pulls to his lips and he relaxes his stance, hand patting down the white sheets that rest lightly across Sam.

Sam blinks several times, eyes gazing incoherently up at Dean. _I'm in a hospital? _

Dean sees confusion in his siblings hazel orbs, the realization that he is in the hospital, and the panic of not knowing exactly why. He recognizes the pain that Sam's seems to just be realizing he is in as his unfocused eyes look down at his casted shoulder and up toward the IV's snaking to the stand.

"You're okay," the older brother pauses, not sure he really wants to remind the kid what really happened and why he's where he is.

Sam blinks blankly back at Dean.

"Wh'rs Dad?" Sam asks softly, voice sounding way too young and lost.

Dean's mouth falls slightly agape, his heart suddenly pounding loudly in his ears. _Where's Dad? What?_

The room is abruptly spinning and he feels his body waver on his feet. Strong hands guide him and he feels his butt plop down against a wobbly chair. He struggles just to catch his breath. He sits in stunned silence for what seems like forever, and then slowly raises his piercing green eyes to gaze with mixed emotions back at Sammy's confused face.

"Bobby?" Dean says softly.

"I'm getting the doctor," the older hunter states matter of fact as his finger is pushing frantically against the call button, his eyes darting from Dean to Sam. _Holy shit! _

"Dean?" Sam whispers in confusion.

Dean nods his head in slight confirmation, bright eyes never leaving his little brother's face. He reaches up tenderly and grips against Sam's hand.

"It's okay Sammy, you're okay."

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	5. Chapter 5

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – ****Spoiler Alert **

**A/N- **You are about to enter a beta free zone, so be nice! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews on this story. You guys are the best!

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW. I'm just playing in the sandbox.

**Chapter Five**

Dean isn't sure if Sam looks so bad because of his injuries or the fact he's showing signs of withdrawal from the demon blood. He blows out a heavy sigh, crosses his arms across his chest and shuffles absently from one foot to the other. He and Bobby have been moved hastily by the medical team to the corner of the hospital room. They both watch intently as the medics poke and prod his little brother, one physician shining a pin light into Sammy's hazy eyes. He notices that Sam grimaces slightly with the motion and it causes him concern. Another doctor listens to Sam's heartbeat and asks him several questions. "How you feeling, how's your arm, what's your name?" It's the name thing that seems to puzzle Sam for just a second. He eyes the physician with apprehension, his glassy hazels darting quickly back to look at his older brother.

Dean looks at Sam with concern. Perspiration is dotting the kids bandaged forehead, making his wayward hair slightly damp, and Dean notices that his hands are faintly shaking. _Not a good sign if you know he sucks down demon blood. _The older brother nods a little, giving Sam his silent seal of approval. _Its okay Sammy, answer the questions. _Dean smiles and scrubs his hand through his cropped hair, eyes watching the doctors' every move.

"I feel okay, I'm tired, my arm hurts," Sam answers the questions quietly. "My name's Sam," he blinks sluggishly back at the graying medical doctor who is asking all the questions.

"Yeah, a broken shoulder will make your arm hurt; Sam, who are these men right here?" The older physician points his index finger at Dean and Bobby.

Dean holds his breath as his hand curls tightly across his wrapped broken ribs.

"My big brother and my Uncle Bobby," Sam states firmly, a slow smile curling to his pale lips. _That's Dean, I know that for sure._

Dean visibly relaxes and sucks in some air. Bobby smiles.

"Does your head hurt, any blurred vision or ringing in you're ears?" The doctor's finger moves around in front of Sam's face, the kid's eyes following it with a slightly slow response.

Sam glances at Dean again; his eyes wide and full of trepidation.

Dean smirks at his little brother and steps closer, his hand ghosting across Sam's sheet covered knee. _Its okay Sammy, just answer the questions._

"Yeah," Sam says hesitantly, "I can't remember how I got here," he looks somewhat perplexed as he offers up information freely to the doctor.

"Well, that's perfectly normal with a head injury," the older physician advises gently as he looks down at his patient. "I'm sure that will go away in time." The doctor takes a step backward and glances up at Dean, before returning his gaze back to Sam. _His brother said he was missing time? _"And how old are you, Sam Winchester?"

Sam tilts his head slightly, face looking rather perplexed.

The doctor's eyebrows arch up inquisitively as they wait several long minutes for Sam to respond.

"Ah," Sam's free hand fumbles with the white sheet, face furrowing into a long thinking moment.

"Ummmmmm….I'm twenty…ah…twenty two." He nods firmly.

"No Sam, you're twenty-six, remember." Dean offers up decisively from Sam's side. _He's just a little confused, that's all. _

Bobby shuffles closer to the bed, now standing beside Dean as he stares with alarm at Sam.

"No Dean, you're twenty-six, not me." Sam giggles slightly as he looks into Dean's wide anxious eyes. "My brother and I been on a road trip, he came and got me at Stanford, I'm taking a break from college. I have a girlfriend there." Sam smiles warmly at the doctor.

Dean fights the urge to freak out, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with worry.

The doctor glances at Dean and Bobby, both men looking slightly stunned.

The doctor nods at his patient. "Okay Sam, I see you are pretty clear headed, that's good. Some confusion, but that's perfectly normal with a concussion. I'm going to get the nurse to bring you some more pain medication, okay, that will help that arm." The physician motions with a small nod of his head for Dean and Bobby to exit from the room with him.

"Get some rest Sammy," Dean forces a smile to his lips as he tugs the sheet up against his brother and gives it a tiny little pat.

Sam looks sluggishly at Dean, and then lets his tired eyes flutter shut and mumbles, ""Kay D'n."

"Sam, I just need to talk with your brother and Uncle a minute, okay," the doctor emphasizes as he moves quietly toward the doorway.

"Mmmhummm" Sam mumbles unintelligibly as he drifts off into sleep.

The two older hunters follow the doctor as he shuffles into the hall. Dean pulls the door slightly ajar so he can still see his little brother, to make sure he's okay. "So?" he grumbles at the doctor, eyes almost wild with fear, anxiety rising in his chest.

"Well, Sam seems to have some memory loss. I don't usually see a patient regress back so many years, block out so much." The doctor looks slightly perplexed.

"Oh yeah, no reason for the kid to block anything out," Bobby mutters in an almost angry tone.

The doctor's head turns to look curiously at Bobby.

Dean glances to Bobby and rolls his blue-green eyes. "So what do you think, Doc, will he be okay?" _Sides the fact his girlfriend died, his Dad died, his brother went to hell, he hooked up with that slut Ruby, and got doubled crossed by demons and angels to let Lucifer loose, and by the way, he's addicted to demon blood, yeah, that 'bout sums it up._

The doctor shakes his head curiously, then, looks back across at Dean. "I want to do some more tests before I let him go."

"Okay, sure," Dean sighs inwardly. _Oh crap, got to get Sammy out of here._ He offers his hand out to thank the physician for his help. "Thank you Doc."

The older man shakes Dean's hand, then turns to go, "I'll get back to you in the morning, after we run the tests," he says as his back retreats down the corridor

Dean and Bobby both stand shell shocked in the hallway.

"He's going into withdrawals Dean, we got to do something." Bobby whispers "Get him out of here."

"No shit," Dean mutters as he slumps against the doorway, teeth chewing on his lower lip. He eyes Sam's pale sweaty face, knowing they're going to have to move quickly, the demon blood is only going to make Sam sicker, and very, very soon. _How do I get him through all this?_

"Man, Sam doesn't remember any of it? Jessica, your Dad, Ruby, Lucifer…all of it?" Bobby says in stunned disbelief.

Dean uses his thumb and forefinger to rub absently at his head, distress lines obvious on his face. "It's not what he doesn't remember right now that bothers me, Bobby, it's what's gonna happen when he does."

Both men looked distraughtly at each other.

**-0- **

It isn't hard to get Sammy out of the hospital; it's something Dean and Bobby have done before. One man keeps the nurses busy; the other absconds with the patient. Now Sam is sleeping, drugged to the guild in the back seat of the old Chevy they stole from some parking lot near the hospital. It isn't the Impala, but it serves the purpose they need. Bobby is riding shotgun while Dean barrels the car back toward Singer Salvage.

Dean's thoughts are perplexed as he drives, his ribs hurt, his head hurts, and he feels totally drained. _He doesn't get it...what's happened to the end of the world, the apocalypse, where's Lucifer, and all the freaking angels? _It was just a bi-line on the nightly news, some church burning to the ground in Ilchester, Maryland, no big deal. That was over two days ago, and Dean had yet to hear from Castiel. _Where is he, what's happened? _He shook his head in disbelief with it all. At least the sun was still rising in the morning, the stars still shown at night, and it seemed like the entire world was completely oblivious to the happenings at St. Mary's Covenant and Lucifer's rise from hell. _That's good, maybe we can still fix this? _

He sighs and gazes into the mirror at Sammy, tucked beneath a mound of blankets and Dean's black leather jacket, dozing peacefully in the back seat. _Thank God for small miracles._ He smiles and looks back at the road. _I'm taking care of you now, little brother. I'll not fail you again. I will get you through this…I promise._ He glances at Bobby and grins smugly to himself; the old man's sound asleep against the passenger window, drool running slowly down his chin.

6


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**A/N: **Your reviews have been awesome. As I said before, you are all the best. Of course, you all know that my mind is working in overdrive writing this story; I can't seem to stop. Don't you just hate it when that happens?

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Six **

The ride to Singer Salvage is uneventful, Sam waking only one time for water and asking where he is. Unfortunately, Dean's body stiffened up about halfway through the journey and Bobby banishes him to the passenger seat to get some much needed rest himself. The drive is long, but the car finally pulls into the old junk yard as the amber sun is sinking slowly beneath the swaying trees.

Dean sighs and pushes the passenger door open. _It's the end of day three after the release of Lucifer from hell, and all is still quiet? What's going on? _

"You okay?" Bobby asks over the top of the car as he glances across at Dean. The older brother's face is lost in thought as he stands hunched slightly forward, both arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

"Yeah," Dean swallows convulsively and moves to stand up straighter. His eyes look keenly through the dirty back window at his still sleeping little brother. "I just don't get it, Bobby. I thought Lucifer was taking out the world, I thought we'd all be dead by now, but, it looks like he's got some kind of special agenda, huh?"

"Yeah, looks that way. I have to admit it though, I thought we were goners. You know fire, flame, and brimstone." Bobby shrugs up his shoulders and chuckles lightly, "Maybe the angels got to him in time?" His face goes from slightly amused to serious in seconds as he watches Dean scuffle slowly toward the back door of the old car.

"Oh no you don't, kid." Bobby jogs hastily around the vehicle to stand right next to Dean.

"I got'em." Dean wheezes out between ragged breaths of air. He reaches shakily for the door handle and slowly opens the back door of the car.

Bobby shakes his head in disbelief, "You can barely get yourself inside you idgit, I got Sammy."

Dean stands silently staring at his kid brother, hands in a white knuckle grip against the open door, breath coming out in little huffs. He wants to do it, he really does, but he can barely stand up after the long ride, let alone help get his Sasquatch of a brother inside the house. He nods in unspoken resignation as he moves slightly sideways to allow Bobby to get to Sam.

"Sam," Bobby leans in and pats Sam lightly against his uncast arm, "We're here buddy, wake up."

Both hunters watch as Sam's sluggish hazels blink open slowly, his pale face looking around the unfamiliar vehicle, eyes growing wide in instant panic.

Dean recognizes his brother's fear immediately. The older brother sucks in a gulp of air, decides to ride out the pain and clutches at his ribs. He leans down, looking Sammy directly in the eye. "Easy Sammy, you're okay. We're at Bobby's, remember?"

Sam's confusion abates as he tilts his head to look from Bobby to Dean's face, the tension leaving his features immediately as he slumps quietly back against the seat.

Bobby grins. _It's amazing how Dean can calm Sam down with just a look. _"Move Dean, up the stairs and in the house, NOW," the surrogate father orders.

Dean pushes away from the door and with great effort attempts to stand up straight again.

"It's okay Sammy, we're home now." Bobby mumbles gently against Sam's ear as he hoists the kid to his wobbly legs.

Dean hears Bobby's low whisper and smiles. He watches their dear friend grip Sammy around the waist and help him move slowly toward the front porch. He follows laboriously behind.

**-0- **

Sam's tucked neatly away beneath a swath of blankets in Bobby's downstairs bedroom. Dean thought that he might be sleeping in the panic room in the basement with his brother, but Bobby says "Hell No". The older man gives up his bedroom without hesitation. Dean just smiles and lets Bobby have his way, he doesn't want to do that again, and obviously neither does Bobby. Dean figures Sam will detoxify willingly this time, just hopes they can find a way to make it easier for him. If it gets bad, they can always go down to the panic room. The older brother watches silently as Bobby covers Sam in the blankets and coos gently in his ear.

"Go back to sleep Sammy, its okay."

Dean stands in the doorway, remembering the angry words that Bobby said to him not even three days ago.

"_You stupid, stupid son of a bitch!" Bobby yells. "Well boo-hoo, I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good? Make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable, that's why they're family!"_

Truer words had never been said, and Dean smiles at the thought. Bobby was right; Sam was family, with or without demon blood. Sam would always be his little brother, the kid he taught to talk, to walk, to ride a bike, to read, to sing, to turn a cartwheel. Tears well up in his emerald eyes and he has to turn away, hobbles to the living room. He sinks slowly down against Bobby's tattered chair. _ Sam was drowning before and he's still drowning now. It just took Bobby to make me see it._

He swipes his hand across his damp eyes and gazes at the old dusty books decorating the coffee table. So he's the one supposed to smite Lucifer. _ Interesting…who_ _would've guessed?_ He sighs loudly, knows Sam's going to remember what happened, going to remember Jessica and their Dad, and that thought alone just breaks his heart. _It was hard enough to watch the first time._ He sucks in some air and shores up his shoulders. _Suck it up Winchester. _He'll focus on the one thing he knows to; the only thing he cares about – taking care of Sam. _Get him through withdrawal; help him get his memories back. _And if the end of the world comes while he's busy doing that, well then, so be it. _Sam is more important. _

**-0- **

Dean's eyes flutter open in immediate awareness as he blinks sleepily and stares around the darkened room. He's asleep on Bobby's living room couch, tattered blanket covering his aching form. He attempts to roll over on the cushions, sharp pain radiating across his chest. _Bobby told me to go upstairs to the bedroom, but not me, no I'm too hard headed to listen. _He can barely make out Bobby's lax body sleeping uncomfortably in the chair by Sammy's room. He snickers to himself in the dark. _Obviously, Bobby wouldn't leave Sam either. _

He suddenly feels like someone is looking at him and he jerks his head to the side as adrenaline pumps through his veins and he jumps instantaneously to his feet.

"Easy Dean, it's just me." Castiel's quiet voice wafts across the darkness and Dean turns to see him standing in the corner of the room.

The angel sounds depressed, a tone Dean normally doesn't recognize in his voice. Dean sways and plops his butt down back solidly on the couch. "You here or am I dreaming? Dean asks with slight confusion as his hand rubs against his eyes.

"I'm here. Don't worry, Bobby won't wake up."

Dean squints his eyes, "You okay?" he asks in earnest as he reaches for the light.

"Don't Dean; you won't like what you see."

Dean's finger hovers on the light-switch, then, he tugs his hand back to his lap.

Castiel steps into the dim moonlight that is shining through the window and Dean suddenly feels kind of sick. The angels face is a mess, cuts and bruises, broken nose, blood all over his dirty coat. Dean grimaces.

"You look rough dude." Dean says as he strains his eyes to see.

"Fight to the finish, them arch angels, they are a bitch." Castiel grins.

Dean laughs lightly, eyes slowly adjusting to the dim light.

"So you gonna tell me what happened, what's going on?" Dean asks almost eagerly as he peers through the dark at Castiels face.

"Well, Lucifer's free, if that's what you mean." Castiel huffs out a long breath of air. "I know you tried to stop it, but Sammy was tricked. I should have told you before, I shouldn't have let this happen." The wayward angel slides down on the couch next to Dean. "Lucifer's free, roaming the earth and preparing for the end of the world," he sighs, "My father is aware."

They sit in companionable quiet for several moments, thoughts rolling through their heads.

"So it's true then," Dean says as a slight smirk curls against his lips.

"What?" Castiel turns slightly, fingers swiping at his bloody nose.

"Demons suck and angels can't be trusted?"

"Pretty much," Castiel laughs loudly, bright eyes gleaming in the dark.

Dean smiles, then both men sit in silence, as the sun begins to rise.

7


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**A/N: **Your reviews have been awesome. Thank you. Obviously others are bored during the shows hiatus and looking for something to do with their Winchester free time. Go figure. Denise

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Seven **

On the forth day after Lucifer's rise from hell Sam is in the full throughs of withdrawal. It starts just after sun up, Dean standing in the kitchen talking to Castiel about what happened at St Mary's Covenant, the building imploding into a bright red ball of light and the fact that Sam doesn't remember anything. Bobby is still dozing in the living room chair when the older brother hears what sounds like a low pitiful moan and he tilts his head slightly to the side and looks questioningly at the angel. His eyes grow suddenly wide as realization slams into him and he thumps the ceramic coffee cup down against the sticky countertop.

"Sammy," he whispers with trepidation as they both bound quickly from the kitchen.

Dean skids to a halt at the doorway, eyes fixated on Bobby Singer, holding his little brother down against the bed. Sam is pale, sweat beaded on his forehead, wild eyes gazing incoherently around the room. "No, no, no," the kid wails in a hoarse voice that Dean doesn't even recognize as his brothers. His one good arm and legs are flailing in a radical attempt to escape from Bobby Singer's hold.

"Stop Sam, you're going to hurt yourself," Bobby says firmly as he darts his eyes up to see Dean and Castiel.

"Help me, Dean" the older hunter almost begs.

Dean is at Sam's side in a heartbeat, concerned blue-green eyes looking anxiously down at his little brother. Sam's in a world of pain that much is obvious; his limbs are rigid as he fights tooth and nail to escape from Bobby's grasp. Sweat is soaked through his clothing and the bed sheets are wringing wet. Damp hair is plastered to his feverish face. He looks bad. Dean slides to his knees next to the bed and grips Sam tightly by the arm with one hand, fingers ghosting across his clammy forehead. _Jesus, he's burning up._

"Easy Sammy, you're okay. Just ride it out buddy."

Sam's head lolls to the side, and for a brief moment, slightly coherent hazels blink up at Dean. "D'n? Dean, it...it...hurts."

"Sam…Sam, look at me." Dean's hands converge on the sides of Sam's pale face, holding it steady, gazing intently into his disoriented eyes. "Sam, you're going to be sick for a while kiddo, but I'm right here." _God, the kid doesn't even know he's addicted to anything. _

Sam's head nods slightly as he looks with sluggish eyes at his older brother. "Oh…Okay," he whispers as his head falls slowly over to rest against Dean's shoulder blade.

Dean almost smiles, would if this situation wasn't so damn serious. _Now that's his Sammy, the kid with the unrelenting faith in his older brother. _"You'll…be...be here?" Sam murmurs against Dean's neck in a pain laded, shaky voice.

Tears immediately well up in Dean's eyes and he blinks them back abruptly, "Yes, I'm not going anywhere, Sammy, I promise." He moves to scoot Sam over on the bed.

Bobby nods his head in silent recognition. _Dean's getting on the bed with Sam_. The older hunter helps to maneuver long uncoordinated limbs over, allowing Dean's arms to wrap up his gangly burden into a tight hold.

Sam immediately calms as he drifts back into sleep.

Dean nuzzles Sam's head beneath his chin, wayward damp hair matting immediately to his own face and neck. He doesn't care. He'll be here for his little brother through it all, and this time, he'll be here for as long as it takes.

**-0- **

Bobby paces the messy living room, eyes darting often to the bedroom and Dean's unrelenting hold on his little brother. It's been over four hours of Sam moaning, flailing, and thrashing around, fever ravishing his fragile frame. Bobby knows the kid can't take much of this, not this time, not with a slight concussion and a broken shoulder. He sighs loudly and looks across at Castiel.

The angel has cleaned himself up, face cleanly shaven, wounds treated on the body he is currently residing in. His blood soaked clothes have been swapped for some new ones that Bobby gave him to use. It's seems almost funny to the older hunter as he gazes at the mortal man and chews on his lower lip. _I can't believe a messenger from God is setting quietly on my couch staring blankly at the dirty carpet. _

Sam screams.

"God," Bobby groans, "This is crazy, there has to be something we can do." He rips his baseball cap off his thinning hair and flings it across the room.

Castiel's head rises and he looks with sad eyes at the older man. "God is aware."

The sounds of Dean's cooing voice wafts in from the other room.

"Sh…sh…sh…it's okay, Sammy, no ones going to hurt you. Please Sammy…shhhhh, its okay." The older brother sounds exhausted.

"There is," Castiel whispers as he slouches back against the couch cushions, serious eyes gazing up at Bobby.

The older man's face falls agape as he looks curiously at the angels face. _What the hell? _He immediately moves closer to the Castiel, eyes gleaming angrily as he looks him in the eye. "What…what did you just say?"

Castiel heaves a sigh, "There is a way."

Bobby reaches down and grips the angel angrily by the arm, tugging him upward to stand at a very high rate of speed. "Spill it," he hisses.

Castiel glares at Bobby's hand and the older man frowns silently then releases his hold on the angels arm.

"The demon blood is an addiction, so we treat it like any other addiction. Give him smaller doses until it is expunged."

Bobby blinks; the realization of what Castiel is saying soaking slowly into his brain.

"So, you're saying we need demon blood? That we give Sammy shots of blood every day?"

"Yes, it will counter act the effects, taper him off slowly." Castiel nods his head, "But, he will always have the addiction, it won't just go away, but…it can be controlled with injections."

Bobby stares blankly for a moment, then bounds back toward the bedroom door. "DEAN," he yells loudly as he yanks up his baseball cap from the floor and places it firmly back on his head, "I'm going out for a while, take care of Sam."

And with that, the front door bangs shut and the senior hunter is gone.

**-0- **

Dean's throat hurts from all the talking, the constant whispering, consoling, and all the comfort he's been offering his little brother. His own body is broken out in a hot sweat, as he clings tightly to Sam's shaking frame. The incoherent Winchester is mumbling in broken syllables, something about Jessica, a fire, and flames. The words make Dean's heart thud loudly in his chest. _Sam's memories are still in there somewhere._ He wraps his arms tightly around his sibling pulling him back up against his chest. Sam's head lolls around on his neck and he jerks and moans, body rolling and tumbling around on the bed, but Dean just holds on tighter.

It's been hours now, Dean's not sure how long, but he knows if he doesn't stand up soon, take a break, his own body is going to give out. His ribs hurt with a vengeance, Sam unaware how many times he has bumped and bruised his older brother. Tears well into his eyes and roll unabated down his sweat soaked face, he's not sure if he's crying for Sam, or for himself. At this point, he doesn't really care. He feels like he's loosing it, and wonders how long he can keep this vigil up.

"Dean?" Castiels voice floats in from the door. The angel looks concerned, grief written all over his face. _It's time to step in, can't have the 'designated one' succumbing to his injuries._ "I can ease some of his pain," the angel offers quietly.

Dean's weary head raises, "You can?" he whispers questioningly. _What the hell?_ He tugs Sammy in closer as he peers curiously at the angel. "Not sure I can trust you?"

Castiel smiles, Dean's words from the night before still echoing in his head.

"_So it's true then," Dean says as a slight smirk curls against his lips. _

"_What?" Castiel turns slightly, fingers swiping at his bloody nose. _

"_Demons suck and angels can't be trusted?"_

"_Pretty much," Castiel laughs loudly, bright eyes gleaming in the dark. _

The angel nods solemnly and steps forward. He places his palm against Sam's feverish forehead. The youngest Winchester arches upward in Dean's grasp, then slumps unconsciously back against his brother's hold.

It takes Dean five minutes before he is ready to move, he lies still holding onto Sammy and wishing he could make all this just go away. Finally, with Castiels continual prodding, he slides Sam over against the pillows, tucks the sheet up around him and staggers to his wobbly feet, one arm curling absently around his aching midsection.

"He'll sleep for awhile," Castiel says as he reaches over to steady Dean, fingers curling tightly around the tired hunter's arm.

Dean yanks away, "I got it," he mutters. "Why didn't you do that before?"

Castiel shakes his head and watches as Dean staggers toward the living room. _Damn, he's hard headed. _"Cause it won't continue to work, the more I do it, the less affect it will have."

"Figures," Dean says in exasperation as he plops down against the couch. A light moan starts to emanate across his pale lips, but he sucks it back down and blinks tired eyes up at Castiel. "Where'd Bobby go?" he asks as he looks around the room.

Castiel moves to sit in the chair on the other side of Dean, fingers fumbling with a loose string that's suddenly holding his full attention. He sighs loudly, and then looks back across at Dean. "He went…to," he hesitates, knowing full well Dean's feelings on the topic of giving Sam demon blood, "to… get some demon blood."

Dean looks stunned, "What? Why?" he says curiously as he stares with wide emerald eyes at Castiel's face.

"To help Sam."

8


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**A/N: **Your reviews have been awesome. Thank you.

**Beta: ** You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Eight **

Demon blood is not as easy to find as Bobby Singer thought it would be. Although there are lots of hunters, and lots of demons, seems blood is not a hot commodity right now. It took him all afternoon to finally get hooked up with the right source, a doctor at the local hospital who also just happened to be from a long line of hunters.

Bobby shuffles uncomfortably in his seat, eyeballing the middle age doctor with slight disdain, not sure whether he could trust the man or not.

"Names Jerry, Doctor Jerry Lee Lewis."

Bobby snortled. _Well, this guys certainly a hunter. _"Singer, Bobby Singer."

"I understand you have a problem, an addiction." The doctor asks as he leans halfway across his desk to look wide eyed at the man in the baseball cap. Inspecting him, giving him the once over. _Guy doesn't look strung out?_

"Yeah, well…something like that….ah…Joshua said you know something about unusual addictions that you can help me out."

"Depends on what kind of addiction it is," the doctor pauses, eyes squinting across the desk at Bobby, "and how much it'd be worth."

Bobby shakes his head in disbelief. _A man out to make the almighty dollar!_ "So, you make money off of others misfortunate situations?"

"Sure, why the hell not." The doctor scoffs and pulls back in his seat, obviously taken a back a bit by Bobby's spot on words.

"Whatever man," Bobby hands raise palms forward in an un-threatening motion. "How much for six months worth of demon blood," the older hunter spits out. _Damn it Singer, don't scare the guy off - get the blood. _

The doctor smiles visibly relaxing with Bobby's words. "Six months, ten dollars a vial, one dose a day, well lets just round that up to, say, five thousand."

Bobby shakes his head again. _Guy can't do math for shit. _"Deal." Bobby reaches into his coat pocket and counts out the money on the desktop. "I'll need syringes thrown in for that price, doc," the older man demands as he rolls his eyes.

The doctor huffs lightly and nods his head in agreement. He moves toward the exit. "Just let me get that for you Mr. Singer."

**-0- **

Dean's not so sure how he feels now about injecting demon blood into his little brother. He recalls his reaction was not so pleasant prior to the rise of Lucifer from hell. He remembers his last conversation with Bobby when Sam was locked up in the panic room downstairs. He sighs and drags his fingers through his short cropped hair, eyes staring off into space.

"_I'm gonna ask you one more time. Are we absolutely sure we're doing the right thing? Bobby asks as Dean stands up._

"_Bobby, you saw what was happening to him down there. The demon blood is killing him!"_

"_No it isn't. We are," Bobby corrects. _

"_What?" Dean stares at him. _

"_I'm sorry, I can't bite my tongue any longer," Bobby says. "We're killing him. Keeping him locked up down there. This cold turkey thing isn't working. If he doesn't get what he needs, soon, Sam's not gonna last much longer."_

_Dean blinks, and looks down. "No, I'm not giving him demon blood, I won't do it."_

"_And if he dies?" Bobby asks._

"_Then at least he dies human!" Dean says loudly. _

"Dean?" Castiels voice drags him from his stupor.

Dean blinks and looks up at the angel.

"You okay?"

"I'm not so sure," is Dean's candid response as he looks back down at the carpet, his mind reeling in his thoughts.

"_I would die for him in a second," _Dean's words ring inside his head._ "But I won't let him do this to himself. I can't. I guess I found my line. I won't let my brother turn into a monster."_

"Sam's not a monster." Castiel says softly as he sets down on the couch next to Dean.

Dean's head cocks up quizzically, "Are you reading my thoughts?" he asks wide-eyed as he stares at Castiel.

The angel just shrugs, a small grin curling to his lips. "Maybe?"

"Well, son of a bitch." Dean's body sways back against the musty old couch; complete exasperation evident in his tone.

Castiel snickers lightly.

Dean looks intently at the angel, fear and confusion evident on his face.

"Dean," Castiel sighs, "Sam was tricked, duped by demons and angels alike. Although he has demon blood in his veins, Sam is a good person, a light in a very, very dark world. You know he is. I know he is, and my father knows he is. God will not forsake Sam, nor should you."

Dean stares, mouth hanging slightly ajar with the angel's enlightening words.

"I know," the young hunter finally whispers, "Sam has always been the best person I know, and that will never, ever change."

**-0-**

It's way past dark when Bobby returns to the salvage yard, precious cargo in tow. He hastily shuts off the engine of his truck and grabs up the two large boxes of demon blood and syringes. _I got to get this stuff in the cooler right away. _He shuffles quickly up the front steps, feet thudding loudly on the porch as he practically runs inside the house. Sudden silence greets his ears. _What the hell?_

"DEAN?" he yells as his eyes scan the living room.

"We're in here," a tired voice greets him and Bobby sets the boxes on the coffee table and moves quickly to the bedroom.

Sam looks unconscious, of that much Bobby is sure. Dean looks exhausted, arms wrapped tightly around his unresponsive sibling.

Castiel hovers quietly against the corner wall.

"Did you get it?" Dean barks out hastily when he sees Bobby's face.

Bobby's eyes go wide in surprise as they dart from Dean to Castiel. _You told him?_

The angel nods his head.

"Yeah, I got it." Bobby says as he races back erratically into the living room and rips open the boxes with a vengeance.

"Hurry," Dean yells from the bedroom, "We're loosing him, Bobby, God, please hurry." _ I won't loose my brother again…I won't._

Bobby grabs out a syringe and a vial. Hands shaking, he pumps it full of blood and scuffles hastily back into the room.

Dean has Sam propped up against him, his hand tightly extending out his little brother's arm in front of him.

"Do it, god, Bobby, do it." The older brother closes his eyes, sucks in a large gulp of air. _Sam's not dying, not this time._

Bobby hesitates, eyes looking inquisitively at Dean. _Are you okay with this?_

Damp emerald eyes blink hauntingly back open and look sadly up at Bobby. _God, what are we doing? _

Sam heaves in a shuttering breath of air. He is so hot that Dean's feels like he's burning right along with him.

"Do it." Dean murmurs, resignation written in his tone.

Bobby gently plunges the needle into Sam's vein, pushes the stopper completely in as they both watch the demon blood drain quickly into his arm.

Dean bits his lip so hard it brings blood to the surface and he tastes it on his tongue. _ Oh god, I'm going to be sick. _He swallows back the bile, not willing to relinquish his hold on Sam. Tears well up in his eyes as he leans back against the bed, pulling and tugging the long lanky limbs with him; he curls his unresponsive sibling against his chest, cocooning him up as closely as possible. He whispers lightly in his Sammy's ear as a lone tear runs silently down his cheek. "You're okay Sammy; I gotcha, it's all going to be okay…you'll see, I promise."

**-0- **

Dean wakes up slowly, realizing his little brother is snuggled up against his side. He blinks sluggishly at the bright sunlight that is filtering in through the window. It suddenly dawns on him that Sam is still breathing, and doesn't seem to be in any pain. He pushes his aching body up on one arm to gaze down at Sammy's sleeping face. His little brother feels cooler, no fever radiating from his pale skin. _Oh, thank god!_

"He's better," a haggard voice mumbles up to meet his ears.

Bobby's head rises slowly and looks from Sam to Dean. It's been a long night of sitting vigil with Sammy; the kid hovering on the brink of death, but hanging on with a vengeance. _Typical John Winchester move – don't ever give up. _"The fever broke a while ago, but, he hasn't woken up yet."

Dean turns his sluggish head slightly to gaze into Bobby's tired face. "How long was I out?" He asks as he pulls his arms free of Sam and moves himself slowly off the bed.

"'About an hour."

Dean pulls the cool sheets back up around his little brother, tucking him in snuggly and cascading his fingers through his tousled hair. "He looks better."

"Yeah, he does." Castiel speaks up from the corner of the room. The angel is sitting on the floor, legs splayed out in front of him looking worn out, but smiling none the less.

Bobby grins happily and stands to leave the room. "How 'bout some coffee?"

"Yeah, coffee's good," Both Dean and Castiel respond in unison.

Bobby's eyebrows arch up inquisitively as he stumbles from the room. _Angels drink coffee, amazing…_

8


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**A/N: **Thank you, thank you, and thank you again for all the wonderful reviews. You guys rock. I promise more action is coming, just have to get the story to that point.

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Nine **

Dean is lying quietly on the double bed next to Sam. It's his watch, his job to do. It's been over twenty four hours since the first dose of demon blood was administered and Sam is now sleeping like a baby. It's been a rough, Dean, Bobby and even Castile, rotating on a constant vigil, taking care of the ailing Winchester. The injections have gone well, slowly taking a hold. Sam's nightmares have dwindled down to nothing, the fever almost completely gone. Bobby is resting in the living room, giving Dean some time alone with Sam. Castiel has long since gone doing whatever it is that angels do when they are looking to smite out Lucifer.

Dean sighs, eyes gazing at his resting little brother. Sam has not been awake completely since the injections started, only floating in and out. The kid is exhausted, still recovering from his head injury and broken shoulder, and now the withdrawal symptoms that have almost taken him down. He is finally on the mend and that makes his older brother very, very happy. His fingers grab the covers and pull them up tighter across Sam's chest and giving them a light pat. _Of course, there's still the memory loss to deal with, and Lucifer's abrupt exit from hell, but, hey, you can't have everything. _

Sound begins to filter into Sam's awareness slowly. He hears the distant sound of chirping birds and the low mumble of voices somewhere far away. He feels the warmth of someone lying next to him, and hears the slight intake of air against his ear. He nuzzles down deeper; he's comfortable and doesn't want to open up his eyes.

"Sammy," a familiar voice whispers, air hot against the side of his neck. _Dean._

Sam licks his dry lips, frowns slightly, and tries to pull open his heavy laden lids. _It's too hard, I just want to sleep. _

"Okay, I know you're awake." Dean rolls to his side and rubs his hand down the length of his little brother's arm. "Open your eyes Sammy," he says firmly.

He waits a long minute watching while Sam seems to be fighting an internal battle, pupils darting beneath his closed eyelids.

"Come one Sam, sleep times over." Dean gives his little brother's good arm a slight, but forceful, shake.

"L'me 'lone," Sam mumbles eyes still firmly shut.

Dean smirks, a light chuckle rolling across his lips. _That sounds so damn good, so normal. Sam said that when he was a kid, always fighting to stay asleep just a little bit longer. _

"Don't think so kiddo." Gentle fingers rub against Sam's cheek, patting at his face, harassing him and forcing him awake.

"Deannnnnn, stop it." Sam whines like a five year old and turns his head away.

Dean grins, and pushes to set up on the squeaky mattress. He watches as Sam tumbles around on the double bed, attempting to roll away from his older brother's prying fingers. _Oh thank god, a whining Sam, I'll take it. _

A sudden flash of pain and Sam's hazel eyes bolt open quickly and he heaves in a little gasp of air. "Aw…that hurts."

"Well, no shit, you need to be still," Dean says informatively. "You got a broken shoulder there Sammy." The older brother fumbles with the blankets that are tangled up in Sam's long legs. His brother looks better, slight color resting in his cheeks, his eyes clearer as he blinks slowly up at Dean.

Sam groans weakly, fingers on his free hand reaching and grasping around, attempting to get himself more comfortable on the rumpled bed.

"Take it easy," Dean helps to roll Sam up against some pillows, "Better?" the big brother asks with concern.

Sam blinks sluggishly, "Uh huh," he croaks, swallowing down the dry lump that is resting in his throat.

Dean tips a lukewarm glass of water up to his brother's parched lips. "Drink slowly, not too much."

Sam gulps down the water greedily, hand shaking as he's grasping at the glass. _God that's good. _

Dean pulls the glass away and Sam reluctantly lets him. He stows it back onto the nightstand.

"Wh'r are we?" Sam asks as his eyes strain to fully open.

"Bobby's house and you're in Bobby's bed."

Sam looks slightly perplexed. "Oh, I don't remember getting here." He looks intently down at his casted shoulder, his arm in a sling nuzzled tightly up against his chest. "Wasn't I in the hospital somewhere?" he queries in complete confusion.

"Yes Sam, you were." Dean sets up against the headboard looking intently at his much alive little brother's face. _Thank you, thank you, thank you._

"What 'appen'd," Sam asks with a yawn.

"Ah…ah," Dean's mind is racing, what's he going to say. _Kid's not ready to hear any of this yet. _"You got hurt during a nasty hunt." _Well, partially the truth. _Dean consoles himself silently._ It was a hunt…for Lillith, technically not a lie. _

"Oh," Sam says weakly as his head lolls back against the pillows. "My head hurts too." His free hand rises up to rub at the back of his head.

"Yeah, you got stitches back there." Dean smiles and nods slightly. "Leave that alone," he demands.

Sam's hand drops slowly back to his stomach, fingers curling up around the sheet.

Bobby Singer is now standing in the doorway, happy smile now adorning his tired face. "Hey kid, I thought I heard your voice. I'm glad you decided to join us."

Sam grins tiredly from the bed. His nose snarls up in discontent and he glances over at Dean. "What's that smell?"

Bobby cackles from his position by the door.

Dean laughs loudly, "Don't look at me; you're the one who ain't took a bath in a few days dude."

Sam's head leans slowly to the side, his nose sniffing lightly at his shoulder. "EWWWW, I need a shower."

"Yes, my stinky little brother, you do."

**-0-**

Sam is as weak as a kitten and it takes both Bobby and Dean to get him from the bedroom into the bathroom across the hall. The kid is swaying lightly on his feet, fingers gripping tightly to his older brother's shirt.

"Not so sure this is a good idea," Bobby mutters as he looks from the shower to Dean, then Sam.

Dean chews on his lower lip, pondering the situation, fingers still gripping at his brother.

"I can do it." Sam whispers.

Bobby silently shakes his head in a 'no' motion at Dean.

Dean's still holding Sam tightly by the arm. "Sammy, maybe I need to help you with this shower," he says, voice laden with deep concern.

Sam rolls his eyes. "I said, I can do it."

Bobby leans down and adjusts the shower so that the spray is hot and ready. "I'll just wait outside," he says as he eases back from the room, eyes darting up to Dean. _Don't you leave him in here alone!_

Dean nods silently, "I'm helping you with this shower, Sam" he states matter of fact.

"But…" Sam glares at him, but realizes Dean will not waiver. Decision made, he allows his older brother to set him down on the closed toilet lid. He watches as Dean shimmies out of his blue jeans, and yanks his own tee shirt over his head so that he too is clad only in his boxer briefs.

"I won't take these off, wouldn't want to overwhelm you or anything." Dean's eyes sparkle at his little brother.

Sam chuckles, "Yeah, whatever."

He stands shakily, and lets Dean lead him into the shower. The warm spray feels good, and he closes his eyes, and relaxes back against his older brother. Dean's arm snakes around his midsection, holding him firmly up. He feels a bar of soup thrust into his free hand and blinks over his shoulder at Dean.

"I ain't washing you dude, got to draw the line somewhere. Now, get to it." Dean snarls out with a grin.

Sam smiles and lathers the soup up into his hands, scrubbing away the sweat, dirt, and grim that seems to be coating his unsteady body. He feels Dean squeezing shampoo on his water logged hair, and then his brother's fingers remove the soap from his shaky fingers. He reaches up slowly and scrubs sluggishly at his long hair with his one good hand, his body suddenly very tired. He wavers on his feet.

Dean releases a little huff, as he hoists Sam up closer to his chest. The younger brother feels the fingers of his brother's free hand scrubbing lightly in his hair. "I got it Sam, just focus on standing up."

Sam relents and lets his heavy arm fall resignedly back against his side.

**-0-**

Shower complete. Dean smiles as he tucks Sam back in the bed, his brother falling asleep almost instantly. He gazes silently at the face. _Sam looks so innocent, so free of haunting memories. _Worry edges its way into his thoughts. _Sam will remember… _He cascades his fingers through his sleeping brother's damp hair in a comforting motion he has done for Sammy his whole life. _He'll be okay. I'll make sure of that…that's my job_. _Take care of Sam. _The older brother's head rises slightly when he hears Bobby shuffle through the door.

"Dean," the older hunter whispers in a low, barely audible tone.

Dean gazes up at Bobby.

The older hunter motions for him to come out of the room, his face slightly pale and drawn.

Bobby stares at the Dean, hating to be the one to tell him the most recent news. He watches silently as Dean's fingers tug the blanket up around Sam. And then, to his amazement, Dean does something very un-Dean like and presses a faint kiss against Sam's forehead. Bobby smiles slightly and backs out of the room.

Dean shuffles slowly into the hallway, eyes still darting back to check on Sam.

"Castiel is back," Bobby says in a dark and fore lore tone, "It's starting."

7


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**A/N: **Thank you for all the reviews. This is my little take on Season 5, glad you decided to join me for the ride. Thanks for reading!

**Beta: ** You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Ten **

Dean's dark green eyes stare hauntingly at Bobby Singer as a pinched look rises to his face. He squeezes at the bridge of his nose with a thumb and forefinger; forehead squinting up in slight distress. _It's starting? Oh my God!_

"Dean," Castiel's low voice offers slight reassurance and the oldest Winchester turns silently to gaze blankly at the messenger from God. "What's that mean, it's starting?" he asks curiously. _And do I really need to ask?_

"The signs are beginning," the angel says quietly. "Lucifer is out among us causing death and destruction." Castiel's face looks grim as he sighs and moves to set down on Bobby's saggy couch. "We are going to have to work quickly to stop him. We are on his timetable now."

Dean glances one last time at his sleeping sibling, and then shuffles into the living room with Bobby, both men staring with inquiring, curious eyes.

**-0- **

A silence falls over the room as both hunters look at Castiel, the seraph sighing as he runs his human fingers through his hair. He looks thoughtfully over at Dean. "Life and death decisions must be made quickly now. We cannot save everyone; it is too late for that. God placed man on earth to be part of a greater plan; you are part of that plan, Dean Winchester."

Dean chews unconsciously on his lower lip, doubt and fear etching its way into his face. _How the hell did God pick me? Can we go over that part again?_

Bobby sets down silently in the chair in the corner; staring blankly at the angel._ I can't believe God hand picked Dean Winchester, holy crap. _

"Satan has deceived many," the angel continues, "Including your little brother."

That gets Dean's attention and he focuses instantly back on the Castiels face.

"We have arrived at one of the most fearful moments in time, attempting to stop the end destruction will not be a pleasant one, of this much I am sure." The angel frowns faintly, all knowing eyes looking at both the soundless hunters. "The final seal is broken; the last three and one half years of great tribulation will begin. Satan's influence must be stopped."

Bobby's head turns slightly, mind processing what the angel has just said. _Three and a half years? Did he just say three and a half years?_

Dean clears his throat, "And how are we….ah…am I supposed to do that?" _I can't believe I'm supposed to stop Satan…geez how'd I get in this mess?_

Castiel leans forward, elbows resting on his knees. "We have to follow the signs, we have to find him, and then, God will give you the weapon to end his reign of terror before the end of days begins."

Dean stands back up uncomfortably, nervously shifting from one bare foot to the other. He begins pacing, walking quickly around the furniture in the room.

Bobby watches Dean and smiles mutely. He knows this kid and he recognizes this familiar motion. _This is a nervous Dean; this is Dean unsure of what to do._

Dean's throat fells suddenly very dry and he clears it one more time. He stares at Castiel with a glint of steel blinking into his deep green eyes, arms firmly crossed on his stomach.

"So, you're asking me to go forward with this based on blind faith, correct? Just knowing that there is a weapon to kill Lucifer, which I may or may not have when I need it?" He glares heatedly at Castiel. _That maybe part's bothering me. _

The angel sets silent for a long moment, "Blind faith in God, Dean."

Dean looks long and hard at Castiel, mind whirling with his thoughts. He huffs out a weighty sigh, eyes flickering over to Bobby. The hunter offers him nothing, just looks blankly back at him.

Bobby's not sure what to make of any of it; he's still stuck on the "God hand picked Dean" scenario racing around in his head. He shrugs up his shoulders in a 'whatever' motion at Dean.

The oldest Winchester rolls his eyes as his hands clinch tightly into fists at his sides, "Holy crap, I need a beer," he mutters as he moves quickly into the kitchen.

**-0-**

Dean is standing on Bobby's rickety front porch his face staring up at the dark starless sky. Bobby's lazy junk yard dog is lying limply by his bare feet. His fingers fumble with the beer bottle grasped tightly in his hand. He shakes his head in disbelieve. It's hard to imagine the beginning of the apocalypse when the night is so beautiful; a cool breeze blowing lightly around him, sending a minuscule chill up along his spine.

He swigs down a mouthful of the warm ale and gazes out at nothing, his thoughts regurgitating everything that has happened, and wondering about everything that is about to. He realizes he's the chosen one, the one to smite Lucifer and send him back to hell. All the angels say so, Castiel say's so. He isn't too happy with the fact, but he has accepted it. He will do what is required, will save the world, save himself, and save his little brother. After all, that's what he does.

He smiles to himself, smiting Lucifer is not his biggest concern right now though - that's sleeping in Bobby's front bedroom just inside the door. He actually thinks it's funny that he'd choose Sammy over the apocalypse. _Not too sure God knows who he's got working for him down here._ His main concern has always been Sammy, and after the last six months, he realizes it always will be. _Nothing can take precedence over Sam, not ever again. _ Castiel say's he should leave Sam here, that he is a liability now and that he would be safer on his own. But Dean won't do it, won't leave his little brother behind, not again, not ever – Sammy is going with him, and that is just the way it has to be.

He yanks his beer up and swigs down the remaining liquid in one large gulp.

Sammy's not ready for all this. The kid has no recollection of anything that is going on, anything that has happened in the last couple of years, and Dean doesn't want to have to be the one to tell him, hates to be the one to shatter his already broken little brother. _It just isn't fair._ _Jessica, Dad, Ruby. _ He knows he has to do it though, knows it will be overwhelming. _Hell, it freaks me out and I do remember it all. _

He slings the beer bottle as far as he can into the darkness, listening as the glass shatters against a mangled old junk heap.

Castiel has offered to help Sam with his recollection, and Dean has really considered letting him. But the angel cannot guarantee Sam's state of mind. _"It would be better if he remembers as his own body permits,_" the angel has cautioned both Dean and Bobby. They both know that Sam's fragile mind has shut out the memories for a reason, gone back to a more innocent time when life was not so difficult for him. Back to the perfect life with Jessica in it, their Dad still alive, and Dean by his side. Dean understands this totally, and if he could do one thing for Sammy he wouldn't take that security away. But Lucifer is out there, and Sam has demon blood in him for a reason, and he won't take that chance. First thing in the morning he'll try and help Sam start to remember, before they leave with Castiel, before they begin the most important hunt of their lives.

5


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**A/N: **Thank you for all the reviews.

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Eleven **

It's early, before six a.m., and the sun is peaking brightly through the cracks in the ragged drawn curtains of Bobby's Singers front bedroom. Sam is sound asleep, curled up on his side, peaceful drug induced smile adorning his pale face. Dean is slouched in the chair by the bed, the spot he took up residence in when he finished off several beers the night before.

The older brother never went to bed, thoughts and concerns running continuously around in his tired head. _What to tell Sam, how to tell Sam? Jessica, Dad…too much information for Sam to handle? Oh God… _That thinking alone threatened to make the older brother sick. _And the demon blood?_ He exhales noiselessly, hanging his weary face forward to rest against his open palms. _God, could this get any harder? _He pulls his hands slowly upward through his short cropped hair and sighs loudly. His eyes gaze forlornly back over at his resting brother's face. _Sam looks so peaceful._ His chestnut brown bangs cascade gently against his face and make him look far younger than he actually is. The large white cast adorning his broken shoulder encompasses almost half his curled up gangly body. Dean smiles to himself, this is familiar, and this is his Sammy, his kid brother. He has spent years watching him sleep, body all twisted up in a ball, face nuzzled tightly against the pillow. _How does he do that?_ The smile fades slowly as the older brother huffs out a gasp of hot air and shakes his head almost angrily at himself. _Damn it, how can I do this to him; it's just not fair to take away the only peace he has had in the last three years? _

The older brother mulls his options over and over and over, has been all night long. _What to tell Sammy, how to tell Sammy?_ Finally he's decides that less is more. He's going to do what the doctor says, what Bobby has advised, allow Sam's memories to come back slowly, on their own. He isn't ready to tell Sam about his addiction to demon blood and Lucifer's escape from hell, and well, he isn't so sure he ever will be. _Tell him about Jess first; tell him he needs a shot twice a week for low blood sugar? Make something up, Jesus….I don't want to have to lie to him, but he's not ready. _

Decision made, he will do what is best for Sam, regardless if it is a little white lie. _For now it is going to have to do, Sammy will understand later. _The older brother pushes to stand, thinks he might possibly be able to doze now and get some much needed sleep. He staggers slowly from the room.

**-0-**

Sam's sleep is anything but peaceful, he's dreaming, images flashing rapidly through his mind - Jessica gazing hauntingly at him, "Why Sam? His father's stern military voice yells at him, screams, "Shoot me, Shoot me now, Sam!" Then there's blood and fire, and darkness. A russet haired girl urges him forward, begs him with pleading eyes, "What are you waiting for?! Now! Sam, now!" Her face contorts into a dark, menacing snarl as she whispers wickedly, "You saved us, you set him free!" And then a bright white light washes over him like a wave. It takes his breath away.

He bolts upright in the bed, wide eyed, gasping in a ragged gulp of air. Pain cascades quickly through his head, his arm, and his shoulder as he struggles to reorient himself to his surroundings. _Where am I? What was that? _

"You're okay, Sam." A gruff older voice whispers. It is familiar, gentle, and heavy with concern.

Sam feels the mattress dip with additional weight as he blinks quickly to clear his foggy vision. His sluggish head tilts slightly, deep hazel orbs gazing hazily at Bobby Singer through his damp and matted bangs. He feel's firm fingers grip at his good arm, then a sharp pin prick that barely breaks the skin. He glances down at his arm and shudders in several quick wheezes of air. He blinks blankly back at Bobby as the sleep induced haze finally starts to lift.

"Easy Sam, it's okay."

"Did you just give me a shot?" Sam asks in slight confusion as Bobby helps him scoot up against the pillows.

The older man smiles, syringe waggling in his fingers as he stands and dumps the used needle in the trash can.

"Yeah, don't you remember? _Bobby's mind races, what to tell Sam?_ "Doc says you have high blood sugar."

Sam looks at him curiously.

Bobby sighs, but smiles at the kid. "Its okay, Sam, it will help you to feel better. Remember, they said you need a shot a couple a times a week."

Sam frowns slightly, "I don't remember." Innocent eyes looked at the older man's face. "But then, I don't remember a lot."

"I'll get you some breakfast, you just rest." _That's it Singer, change the subject._

Bobby pats Sam's blanket covered kneecap, then eases backwards toward the door. A smile plastered on his face.

Sam's eyes droop slightly as he nuzzles against the pillows.

Bobby moves silently out the door, eyes flickering forlornly back at the dozing figure slumped against the bed. _God, I hate lying to the kid, but its better if he remembers on his own…_

**-0-**

Dean stumbles slowly down the stairs toward the bedroom to check on his little brother. His little nap has turned into a half a day sleep a thon, and now he is angry with himself for sleeping so long. He knows Castiel is chomping at the bit to hit the road. He looks in through the doorway to see the rumpled bed coverings, but no Sam. He vaguely hears the sounds of muffled words and moves quickly toward the living room. He is surprised when he finds Sam resting horizontally on the couch watching television, as Bobby lounges in the chair.

"Sam's feeling better," Bobby says as he glances up at Dean.

Dean notices that the television is on some corny documentary on the education network. _Geez, these two are just alike. _

"Hey Dean," Sam says with a light smile as he gazes up from his prone position to look tiredly at his older brother.

Dean plops down against the couch by Sam's blanket covered feet.

"Hey kiddo, so you're feeling better?" he queries, face laden with concern.

"Yeah, I am." Sam grins at Dean making the older brother smile.

"It's about time you got up; it's after 2:00 p.m. I though you were gonna sleep all damn day." Bobby snorts out, "You know I got stuff to do?"

The senior hunter mutes the television and moves quickly to stand up. "I'm going outside and work for awhile." He nods silently at Dean, dark eyes glaring with the 'you need to tell him look' as he hands the remote to Sam.

Dean grimaces and turns his face from Bobby's stare, "I need some coffee."

"Just made a fresh pot," Bobby's hand waggles toward the kitchen as he exits hastily out through the front door.

Dean stands and shuffles to the kitchen, makes himself a stiff cup of coffee, and tugs in a heavy sigh. He moves slowly back into the living room, dread edging its way to the surface as he looks silently over at Sam._ Where to start, how to start?_

"We need to talk," Dean whispers, butt slumping back down to the couch, intense green eyes looking across at his pale sibling. The coffee cups shakes lightly in his fingers and he grips at it tightly.

"What?" Sam says as he mutes the TV and stares with wide curious eyes at his older brother.

Dean's looks uncomfortably down at the carpet, suddenly finding the dirty smudge from who knows what very interesting. He grips the coffee cup with a vengeance, coffee sloshing out over the edge.

Sam sees something in his brother's face, fear, remorse, dread. "Dean?" Sam questions weakly as he pushes himself up on the couch with his wobbly arms, "What is it?"

"Where is the sling for your arm?" Dean asks curiously as he watches his little brother attempt to move up on the couch.

"Don't change the subject, Dean. What is it?"

Dean looks sadly at Sam, his innocent and totally oblivious little brother. _God, this is hard._ He firms up his shoulders, ready for the backlash, and he whispers, "It's Jess."

6


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**A/N: **Thank you for all the reviews. You guys are the best. Sorry, but I can only seem to post a chapter a week. It's not from lack of trying; life just seems to be getting in the way!!

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Twelve **

Dean reaches over and grips Sam's good arm helping his wobbly brother to set up higher on the couch. The blanket covering Sam's long legs tumbles to the floor. Dean lifts his eyes, his chin tucking tightly to his chest, shielding his face from Sam's. His deep green eyes are the window to his soul, and he knows they will reveal something he isn't ready for Sam to see yet. The older brother clears his throat uncomfortably; he knows he's stalling for time. _God, I don't want to do this._

"What about Jess?" Sam's voice quivers out in a low whisper, his heart thudding loudly against chest. He stares blankly at his older brother.

"Hey kiddo, do you remember that the doctor said you lost some of your memories?" Dean grips one hand firmly against one of Sam's kneecaps as he gazes at the floor.

"Yeah, I know," Sam looks curious and afraid all at the same time, wide hazel eyes looking at Dean like when he's five years old, wanting Dean to make it all better. "What about Jess?" he asks softly as the color drains slowly from his face.

"Sam," Dean raises his head, looking at his little brother's face. He knows Sam can see the hurt and pain in his clear green orbs, knows he's scaring his little brother. _Just say it, get it over with…_ "Sammy, Jessica's dead." His hand squeezes Sam's kneecap tightly, attempting to ground Sam to him, keep him close.

Sam's head shakes slowly back and forth as he suck in a gasp of air, "No, no, no Dean, she's at school, I….I….we…we left her there, remember? You came and got me, so we could go find Dad."

Dean reaches both hands up and grabs Sam by the forearms. "Sammy," he says gently as he looks him directly in the eye, "She died three years ago, in a fire - Just like mom."

Sam looks crushed, grief suddenly seeming to overcome him; his huge eyes stare questioningly at Dean. Suddenly, he pushes away, struggles to break free of his brother grip. He succeeds and his shaky arms wind mill him backwards as he scoots across the couch._ I don't want to hear this. _"No, Dean, no, that's not right," he states angrily.

Dean watches in shock, not sure what to do for Sam.

Large tears form quickly in Sam's eyes. _Why are you lying to me…why…why? Why Sam, why? _Suddenly, a flash of memory crashes over him like a wave and quickly pulls him under. His pupils constrict as his vision blurs, and he can't seem to get in any air. All he sees now is Jess - pinned to the ceiling of their apartment, whispering, why Sam, why Sam, over and over and over. His butt drops abruptly to the floor as he flounders to get away from his thoughts, from the picture inside his head. _No, this can't be right, no, no, no, no, no._

Dean recognizes Sam is going into shock, his brothers eyes have constricted, and his breath is in short unstable gasps. Perspiration has suddenly appeared on Sam's pale unbelieving face.

"Sam…" Dean grabs for the flailing arms pulling Sam's uncooperative body back up against the couch, "Easy kiddo, its okay." He glances at his brother's unresponsive face. He tugs Sam into a hug, but Sam fights against him, still struggling to break free from his nightmare.

"Easy Sammy, calm down, its okay, just breath, I gotcha," Dean's strong arms fold around his brother, pulling him close, holding him firmly up against his chest. The kid's body shakes uncontrollably from the realization of the truth, a memory Dean realizes he doesn't want to have.

Sam shudders, he remembers it all now, coming home to Jess, telling Dean good bye, and then seeing Jessica on the ceiling, burning…flames licking at her skin, blood dripping on his face. _Oh God, no…_

"NO, No, no," Sam whimpers as tears cascade quickly down his face, his entire body quivering with unrelenting sorrow. He buries his face against his brother's chest, fingers pulling and tugging the material of Dean's tee shirt, barely hanging on to reality.

Dean tucks his little brother's head beneath his chin, his gentle hand gripping Sam at the nap of his neck, pressing him firmly against his chest. Brown wayward hair tickles his chin just like when Sam was a child. He rocks gently to and fro. "Its okay kiddo, it'll be okay," he whispers gently against the side of Sam's damp face. The tears well up in his green eyes as the memories of the day Jess died assault him and hold him captive with a vengeance. _I wish it wasn't true. Sam, I wish it wasn't true. _

And Sam cries harder, chest heaving to gulp in air as his world seems to crash in down around him.

**-0- **

Castiel is setting quietly at the kitchen table with Bobby trying to act like they aren't listening to what's going on in the living room. It's breaking Bobby's heart to listen to Sam's heaving sobs as he remembers what happened to his girlfriend. Castiel doesn't really look too comfortable with it either.

"Want some more coffee," the tired hunter asks as he stands and grabs the pot.

"Yeah, I guess so." Castiel nods and watches Bobby refill his cup. "We need to leave here today," the angel says informatively. "Lucifer is leaving a path of destruction, and we have to find him."

"Dean knows that, but we needed to tie up these loose ends with Sam." Bobby slumps back against the chair, chewing incessantly on his lower lip as he purposely ease drops on the other room. _Sam sounds pitiful…Jesus, I hate this._

"It will be hard for Sam," the angel says sympathetically.

Bobby grimaces. _This is just crap. _He frowns, and gulps down a swig of his coffee, fingers gripping the well worn cup tightly in his hand. _Can't anyone cut the Winchesters a break once and a while?_

Castiel nods slowly, "God is aware Bobby Singer."

Bobby looks up wide eyed at the angel. _Shit. _"Stop reading my mind," he spits out heatedly.

The messenger of God smiles minutely, and then pulls the piping hot cup of coffee up against his lips. He knows that Dean has to tell Sam at least some of what he's lost, but he isn't really sure how much the older brother is letting out of the bag. _It would be better if Sam's memories come on his own… _He remembers the conversation he had with Dean, knows the older brother will do what is best for Sam. He also realizes that no matter what he tells Dean, what his advice is, Dean has decided that Sam is coming with them. Although Castiel doesn't agree, he knows it doesn't matter. He worries though, Sam has demon blood flowing through his veins, and Lucifer knows that. He will be looking for Sam, trying to pull him back into the fold.

"We will all have to watch out for Sam." Castiel says hauntingly as he pushes away from the table.

Bobby's head rises to stare questioningly at the angel.

"Lucifer will want him back." And with those words, Castiel moves toward the door. He turns, blue eyes gleaming intently at Bobby Singer's face. "I'll be waiting, please tell Dean to yell for me when he's ready to go."

Bobby watches as the angel leaves the room, the back door banging harshly in his wake. _Dean yelling for an angel – amazing._ He drops his face into his open hands and sighs. _I'm not sure going after Lucifer with Sam in tow is the best thing we could be doing. _He knows it's a futile argument. Dean is going to bring Sam with him, end of story.

**-0- **

Sam's stopped crying now, his body too worn out to do anything but lean against his older brother. Dean's still wrapped around him, holding him close and cooing lightly in his ear.

"Shush, its okay Sammy."

Dean doesn't know how long they have been sitting like this, wrapped tightly up together while Sam tries to comprehend what his brother has just told him, that his girlfriend, his Jess, is dead. His brother has stopped crying so hard, just twitching slightly in Dean's grasp. The only sounds are the muffled voices in the other room and Sam's hiccupping breath.

"Dean," the younger brother whispers so low that Dean almost doesn't hear.

Dean tilts his head and pushes away slightly. His head bows down to look in Sam's unfocused eyes.

"Dad," Sam's voice quivers, "Is he?" _I know the answer, I remember …_

Grief is strange, all the hurt and pain rolls back over Dean as if their Dad had died again today. Fresh tears well up in his own eyes as he looks at Sam's distraught face, "Yes, Sammy," he says sadly, "Dad's dead too."

7


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**A/N: **Thank you for all the reviews.

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"The signs all point to Latitude 34, Longitude -118," Castiel says as he watches Bobby pull a tattered map from the old chest of drawers in the corner.

"That's right here," Bobby states as he flattens out the worn drawing on the kitchen table. It takes only a moment for him to identify the exact location; his finger setting firmly on the mark.

Sam's very weak and wobbly and should really be in bed, but instead, he's seated at the table, his face shrouded beneath his too-long chestnut hair, carefully under Dean's ever watchful eye. Sam's injuries, the reality of Jessica's death, and then their Dad's, well, Dean's afraid to leave his little brother alone, even for a short amount of time.

The older brother is standing firmly next to Sam's chair, hand gripping tightly to his sibling's shoulder blade. He's hanging onto Sammy like a lifeline grounding his brother to the here and now. The kid's been through a lot, they both have, but at least he can remember it all, Sammy's not so lucky. He leans forward and looks intently down at the document Bobby's smoothing out across the sticky table.

"Well, son of a bitch isn't that Devils Gate Reservoir." Dean's twists his head from the map to gaze quickly over at Bobby.

"Damn," the senior hunter says in surprise.

Dean stares in sheer amazement. He turns his head to look at Sam's face, hoping the kid has some recollection of what they're even talking about.

Sam's hazel eyes rise from the spot on the linoleum floor to look quizzically at his older brother. "Isn't that were Jo's dad, Bill Harvelle, was killed hunting the hell spawn?" he whispers curiously. _I think I remember something about that…_

Dean grins. _Sam's starting to remember…_ He lets his eyes dart across to Bobby, a slight smile curling to the older man's lips.

Sam's elbows suddenly pull up against the tabletop, his head resting inside his open hands, his fingers massage intensely at his temples. "I remember…" he says in a low, barely audible, whisper.

Dean recognizes the sign of a headache when he sees's one, and his happiness immediately begins to fade. He looks at his brother's paling face.

"Sammy? You okay?" He asks softly as his grip tightens on Sam's shoulder.

"Yeah," Sam mumbles, "Just a headache." Flashes of images bear down against his closed eyelids and he rubs his fingers against his brows and forehead attempting to push the horrid images from inside his aching head. _Jessica dying, Dad lying limp on a hospital floor, Dean being clawed to death by hell hounds._ He shudders in a trembling breath_. I remember… don't want to remember…don't want to… _

"Don't fight it Sam." Castiels voice is firm.

Sam's head pulls up from his hands, large, sad eyes gazing at the angel.

Dean frowns at Gods orator. _What the shit does that mean?_ "Sammy," he asks gently as he leans down to look his little brother in the eye. "Do you need to lie down?"

"No," Sam says weakly.

The youngest Winchester attempts to set up straighter in the chair.

"You sure?" Dean asks with concern.

"No…no, Dean. Castiel's right, I need to…need to remember…'m fine…really." His hands descend slowly from his face to rest shakily against the table top; his fingers mingling in a nervous twist. _Please don't treat me like a baby…please…_

Bobby glares at Dean, his intense eyes relaying one message firmly. G_ive the kid some space._

Dean pulls back, recognizing his baby brother's need to be in control.

"Well," he says hesitantly, "okay then." He turns slightly to face Castiel, Sam still in his periphery, "So tell us what the plan is?" He clears his throat, his hand never moving from the nap of Sam's neck.

Castiel frowns, he can read Sam's thoughts, knows the kid's got a mass of jumbled up memories just waiting to break free. He hates that Sam has to go through all this, he hates that Dean does too. He watches Sam for a long moment, nods at Dean, and focuses on the task at hand.

**-0-**

Sam's sitting on the swing on Bobby Singer's front porch watching as his older brother and surrogate father load up the Impala. The drive to Pasadena California is going to be a long one and it's taking a lot of time to collect everything they might need. As Bobby always says," better safe than sorry." The youngest Winchester's head slowly lolls to the side and he jerks it back up. He blinks and rubs his tired eyes. He re-props his head back up against his hand. _I wish they'd let me help._ Slowly his head rolls downward against his lax fingers as he fights to keep his heavy eyelids open.

Bobby nudges Dean with his shoulder, "Look's like Sam's asleep again," he waggles his head toward the porch.

A Dean smile lifts brightly to the older brother's face. Sam's asleep, cheek smashed hard against his curled up fingers, elbow wobbling unsteadily on the swing. _Sound asleep. _

"He looks so damn young sitting there like that." The older hunter mutters as he fumbles with the salt rounds and blinks back the moisture that is suddenly building in his eyes. _Damn it, why do his boy's always have such a rough time? _

Dean nods silently, gaze darting from Sam to Bobby. _Is he about to cry?_ He looks away, focuses on the gun he has in his fingers. He doesn't want Bobby to think he's watching him, nor that he notices the excessive blinking of the older man's eyes.

The senior hunter clears his throat uncomfortably. "I'm getting him a blanket," he says as he quickly drops what he is holding and disappears inside the house.

Dean stares blankly after their old friend, knowing he's the only family that they have now, knowing how he tends to worry. _He's all talk, just an old softy at heart. _He continues checking their weapons as he watches Bobby's silent return, callous fingers draping a worn out woolen quilt down against his sleeping sibling's limbs. He watches out of the corner of his eye as Bobby gently pushes the hair away from Sam's sleeping face. He looks away, not wanting to intrude on any special moment that Bobby may be having with his little brother.

Dean feels suddenly anxious, a large lump sitting heavily in his throat. He feels like maybe he can't protect Sam, can't save himself, let alone anyone else. _This is all spinning way out of my control_. He huffs in a tense breath, steadies his slightly shaking hands, and ponders the implications of the last words spoken to him by Castiel. He was full of doubts and self recrimination last night as he stood outside on Bobby's porch, the angel standing silently beside him.

"We will succeed," the angel had said with confidence; his hand tugging up slowly to rest against Dean's arm.

And the oldest Winchester suddenly felt complete calmness, something he had never known before, blissfulness that he simply couldn't explain.

"We'll do what is necessary, Dean. My Father is on our side, always remember that."

**-0-**

5


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**A/N: **To everyone who has reviewed this story, and you know who you are, I thank you. I wanted to reply to each and every one, but have been terribly swamped at work and it's all I can do to get the chapters posted each week. Sorry for the delay and so glad you are sticking with me.

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Fourteen **

Drawing in a deep breath Dean pulls a hand sharply down his jaw then rests it against the steering wheel. He stares out the driver's windshield at the winding highway; the steam wafting up above the center line. The sun is dipping below the horizon, deep orange rays languishing sluggishly in the sky. He pushes his face unintentionally toward the side window allowing the warm breeze to brush against his cheek. They'd hit the road just before sundown, leaving Singer Salvage far behind. He and Bobby had hoped to make the ride a bit cooler, for Sam, but August was not the best month to be trekking across the countryside in a black car without air conditioning.

The older brother's fingers yank up the bottle of tepid water from the bench seat and hold it gingerly to his lips. _Damn it's hot_. He eyes Bobby Singers flushed face as the older hunter glares attentively out the front windshield, the perspiration obvious as it rests against his brow. Dean swigs the lukewarm water down in one long gulp and flings the empty plastic container haphazardly out the driver's side window.

Bobby's head tilts slightly, eyes glancing over to look at the driver, a small frown curling to his lips. He shakes his head at Dean, but he keeps his mouth shut tight and glares back out the window.

Dean just shrugs unconsciously at his older passenger, a light grin curling to his lips. He gazes momentarily in the rearview mirror at his little brother. Sam is pale; perspiration decorating his weary face. _This kid is way too quiet._ His chestnut hair is damp, matted in stringy ringlets all across his sweaty forehead. He looks tired and sluggish as he stares blankly out the window. _I wish we could've let him rest a few more days. _

Sam glances upward toward the mirror. His wide hazels look fleetingly at Dean, a ghost of a smile crosses his drawn lips before he drops his brother's gaze and stares back out the window.

Dean's so worried; his big brother alarms are working overtime. It's Sam's mental state that concerns him the most. Gone is the independent Sam that kills demons with his mind, told Dean he didn't need him, and hunted on his own. Back is Sammy, the dependent little brother that Dean remembers from long ago - the kid that needs his big brother. It bothers Dean immensely that Sammy still doesn't remember everything, the occurrences at the St Mary's Covenant, or Lucifer's rise from hell. No memories of demon tainted blood have haunted him yet and what Sam doesn't remember, scares the shit out of Dean. _When will Sam remember? How will he react?_ That thought alone is overwhelming and baring heavy on the old brother's soul.

Dean sighs silently to himself - too many thoughts are swirling in his head. _Quit worrying… _He takes one last look at Sam, then, focuses on the music that's blaring through the radio. His fingers thump out the staccato rhythm against the steering wheel, keeping time with the tune as he attempts to occupy his mind. A genuine smile crosses his lips as he remembers Bobby's words from earlier, _"Turn that damn music down Dean, holy crap, it's already giving me a headache and we just left the house._" He grins at the thought, Bobby reminds him of his Dad. He realizes now that Bobby Singer is a blessing given to him and Sam, he needs him, and so, it seems, does Sam.

**-0- **

The Impala pulls over sometime around 1:00 a.m., the bright red vacancy sigh calling out to Dean. He looks from Bobby to Sam. Both of his riders are dozing against the leather seats, unaware the car has even stopped. He's tired, ready for some sleep himself. He eyeballs the run down motel, praying that the air conditioning works. He nudges open the drivers door quietly, and eases from the car.

"Dean?" Sam's anxious eyes dart open, sleep laden voice mumbling.

Dean leans in through the driver's window to look his heavy-eyed little brother in the face. "It's okay Sammy I'm just getting us a room."

Sam still looks anxious, like he doesn't want Dean to go. "Okay," he finally says as he briefly nods his head. "I'm hot," he sighs.

"I know Sammy." _Damn, I wish this car had freaking air conditioning. _"We'll get you inside where it's cooler in just a second buddy," the older brother says gently.

Bobby Singer moves slightly in the seat, his eyes flutter open with a grunt. He swipes his hand up across his face, then fingers off his ball cap, the sweat beading on his brow. "Son a bitch," he spits out, "make sure the damn a/c works."

Dean almost laughs. _ It'd be funny if it wasn't so damn hot._

Sam's head tilts to the side as he grins at Bobby's words. He watches through the dirty windshield as his older brother makes his way inside the motel office.

And in the distance, heat lightning flashes against the blustery night sky. A dark maroon Chevy truck eases into the far end of the parking lot and flips off its headlights. Two large men, with biddy black eyes, watch the parked Impala, snarly grins curling to their lips.

**-0- **

Sam had been pushed to the very limit of his endurance, and he doesn't know how to find his way back. His mind graces him with flashes of memories, thoughts he can't quite seem to grasp. Images of demons, and blood, and Ruby.

Dean's pulled from his sleep by something, and he blinks blankly in the dark. He's trained himself to be awake whenever Sammy's in distress. The rustling of sheets, the whimpers of a little brother, sounds he's heard his entire life. _Sam's having a nightmare. _He immediately sets up, eyes falling to the clock. It's 4:15 a.m. _Damn, kids not been asleep too long. _He flips on the light and see's Bobby's eyes dart open from his position sleeping in the chair. Both men look intently as Sam. The blankets are all askew. Sam's tee-shirt is clinging to his sweat laden body, his head tossing to and fro. _Okay, have to wake him up._

Dean flings the sheets back as Bobby pushes to set up straighter in the chair.

Dean moves quickly across to the opposite bed, mattress squeaking with is weight. His fingers grab Sam's forearms, holding him tightly in his grip.

"Sammy?"

Bobby watches, silently, not wanting to make the situation any worse. He remembers Sammy's nightmares, and he knows the only one to calm the kid is Dean. _Dean can take care of this, always has. _

"Hey, Sammy, wake up kiddo," Dean says gently.

Sam struggles against Dean's hold, low whimpers sliding from his lips.

"No, no, no…I'm sorry…Dean…I'm sorry…" The sleeping man sobs as his strong arms flail around, struggling to escape his brother hold.

Dean's body goes rigid, his heart aching with concern. _Please don't let him remember it all like this – not as nightmares, please. _

"Sammy," Dean says louder as he gives Sam a little shake.

The voices resound in Sammy's head.

"_She's poison, Sam! Dean snaps._

"_It's not what you think, Dean," Sam begins._

"_Look what she did to you!" Dean yells, "I mean, she up and vanishes weeks at a time, leaves you cracking for another hit?"_

"_She's looking for Lilith!" Sam defends loudly._

"_That's French for manipulating your ass ten ways from Sunday!" Dean says._

"_You're wrong, Dean!" Sam says. _

_Dean just shakes his head. "Sammy, you're lying to yourself! I just want you to be okay. You would do the same for me, you know you would." _

Wide hazel eyes suddenly dart open, Sam taking a gasping breath. Normally he would be soothed by Dean's touch, comforted by his gentle words, but not this time, his body begins to shake uncontrollably. _What was that? _ His thoughts are muffled and confused.

Dean grips his brother tighter, "Sammy," his voice laden with concern. Sam looks scared, body quivering visibly. His wide eyes focus on Dean's face, tears welling quickly to his lids.

"Dean?"

**A/N: Man this was a hard chapter to write, I seem to be having a bit of a block now…go figure. Hope it meets with your approval, let me know if you like - Denise**

7


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**A/N: ** Sorry for the delay in posting, life has been crazy lately.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Fifteen **

Sam's slumped against Dean's shoulder, forehead nuzzled in against his brother's chest. _I can't breathe._ He panted heavily for air.

"Calm down Sammy, you had a nightmare."

His body quivers, sweat dampening his brow. _ It isn't real._ _Just a nightmare – Dean says so._ He heaves in another large gulp of air as his brother's firm hand swipes against his cheeks. _Am I crying?_

"It's okay Sammy." Dean wraps his strong arms instinctively around his little brother, tugging him up against his side. The kid is visibly shivering. _This nightmare was a bad one._ "Will you get him some water?" The older brother whispers to someone else inside the room.

Sam hears the muffled voices, he thinks it might be Bobby, but right now he isn't sure. His eyes are still tightly closed attempting to keep the remnants of the nightmare away. Thoughts still drifting in his head. _"She's poison, Sam! It's not what you think, Dean. That's French for manipulating your ass ten ways from Sunday!"_

"D…Dean," Sam whispers softly, a tight knot resting in his chest. _What'd I do? _He looks with fear filled, confused eyes up at Dean. He pants in air. _Ruby lied, Ruby lied, she lied, I trusted her, she lied…_ _Dean was right, Dean was right._ Ruby's words ring inside his head mocking him, suffocating him. _You did this, you opened the door. He's free at last. And it is written…that the first demon shall be the last seal - you had it in you the whole time, dumbo._Tears roll unabated down his cheeks and he shudders._ Just a nightmare, not real, didn't happen._

"I'm right here kiddo," Dean offers reassuringly as he tucks Sam's head beneath his chin, fingers pressed against the back of the wayward hair, holding the trembling limbs firmly to his chest. _Please don't let him remember things this way. _

Sam nuzzles into Dean, the warmth and comfort he has known his entire life. It's familiar and he needs it right now, foreboding running just beneath his skin. He's afraid. He sucks in another shaky breath. "What'd I do Dean?" he asked in a low barely audible whisper.

Dean's heart beats faster in his chest. _Does he remember? _"Breath Sammy, that's it. Just calm down, it was a nightmare, that's all." _Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…_

They set in silence for what seems like forever, something they haven't done in a quite awhile - - Sam recovering from the nightmare and Dean consoling his little brother.

"Here," Bobby offers up a cup of tepid water.

Dean nods and reaches out to accept it. He steers the glass up towards Sam's mouth, "Here you go – slowly sips, Sammy."

Sam feels the dampness pressed against his lips and he blinks open his burning lids. The wet liquid rolls soothingly down his parched throat, his shaky hands reaching for the cup.

Dean hesitantly relinquishes it, the water sloshing out the sides with Sam's unsteady grip. "Whoa, you got it?"

Sam nods his head slightly, gulping greedily at the water, his wide, fear-filled eyes looking sadly up at Dean.

The senior hunters watch the younger man with concern. The kids face is flushed, his sweaty hair matted to his forehead. He looks scared to death. The dream has obviously taken a toll. Dean glances over to Bobby, the older hunter's face telling him all he needs to know.

"Small sips, Sammy." Dean says firmly as he focuses back on his little brother. Sam's breathe is evening out now, his body slouching down against the bed.

The younger brother frowns, but complies and eases back on the cup of water.

Momentarily, the older brother leans in and takes the cup totally away. _Oh man, don't give me that look, that I'm your little brother please let me have it look. _"Sorry," he says gently, "Don't want you to get sick."

"It's okay," Sam finally whispers as he pulls to set up straighter on the bed. He looks at his older brother for a long moment; face pale, worry lines wrinkling around his eyes. He looks across at Bobby.

The senior hunter gives Sam a reassuring smile. "You okay kid?"

"Ye…yeah, I think so." Sam's voice trembles as his mind attempts to comprehend what he's just seen._ I'm not okay at all._ His memories are so skewed, he can't tell what's real and what's the dream. _ Did that really happen?_

"You just rest now." The surrogate father pats Sammy on the ankle then moves back to the chair, easing down against it. He glances at the clock on the nightstand, flashing 5:05 a.m., as he puts back on his boots. He yanks up his baseball cap and stows it neatly back against his thinning hair. _I'll just leave them to this. _"I'm going for coffee." he says hastily as he reaches for the door. He gives Dean one last look, eyes saying a million different words.

Dean nods slightly, he knows what the older hunter means for him to do. He doesn't like it, but he knows it needs to be done. _I have to tell Sam about Ruby._ A heavy feeling rests inside his stomach and he feels like he's been punched. The motel door clicks shut. _This is not going to be easy, but I can't let Sam remember this way. I just can't._

**-0- **

The tiny motel room is silent except for the whirling of the air conditioning fan.

Dean watches his little brother, wishing he didn't have to tell the kid what he knows about his dreams. He tugs a hand through his short hair. Sam had been through so much since that night at the St. Mary's Covenant, waking up from a head injury with absolutely no memories of what he did. While Dean knew he'd probably remember, the doctors had said he would in time, Dean didn't want it to be like this. Hell, he didn't know how it would ever be a good thing for Sam to remember any of it, and he wished he didn't have to tell him. All Dean could do now was attempt to make it easier on Sam, let him know his big brother was here – that he always would be, no matter what. He sighed and pulled the chair Bobby had vacated over next to the bed.

"So," Dean sat down. He tugged his empty hands down the top of his blue jeans, eyeing the dirty floor for a silent moment. "You feeling better now?"

Sam nodded. He heaved a weary sigh. "It was…just…so…so real, Dean." The little brother's fingers grasped at the sheet, twisting and turning it into a knot.

Dean sighed. Sam knew somewhere in the recesses of his mind what Dean was going to say, and that notion just ripped the older man apart. He had to tell his brother the truth.

"Sam, I…well, we need to talk about your nightmare."

Sam looked forlornly up at Dean. "No, no Dean…I…I don't want to," he stuttered out. The fingers of his left hand were taking on a dark blue hue as he wrapped them tightly in the covers.

Dean smiled weakly; he reached up and tugged the sheet from Sam's floundering hands. "I'm sorry Sammy, but…but it wasn't a dream…it's what happened."

"No Dean, no, that can't be right." Tears welled up to the little brothers eyes and he shook his head vehemently. "No, no, no, no, no…"

Dean moved hastily to the side of the bed, arms reaching out to pull Sam back against him. He felt his little brother heaving as tears rolled forlornly down his face.

Sam pushed, arms flailing around, attempted to pull away from his older brother's grasp. "No Dean, no, I don't understand."

Dean did not relent, just held on tighter.

Moist eyes peered up at Dean through too long wayward bangs - begging Dean to lie.

Dean swallowed convulsively. Sam looked so lost, afraid, out of control. Dean suddenly wanted to make it all just go away. To go back to the days when all they did was hunt the supernatural and no demons or angels were involved. But, he couldn't make that happen. Sam had to face the truth.

"It's all true Sammy. All of it, you did hook up with Ruby. You were at odds with me. We lied to each other," he sighed, "everyday."

Sam lower lip quivered, his body heaving as tears wracked his weary frame.

It broke Dean's heart, but he continued, knowing his brother needed to know, had to know.

"You were tricked by demons, Sam. I was duped by angels. We were both lied to from the very start." He pulled his little brother back against him, tears welling up in his emerald eyes. "You…Sam," Dean voice quivered, "You were front and center in raising Lucifer from hell."

6


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**A/N: **Moving right along, some action to come around the limpness, I promise.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Sixteen **

The conversation between Dean and Sam had been the most difficult one Dean had ever remembered having with his little brother. Sam cried, and denied. Dean comforted and consoled. Sam wanted it all to be a lie, and Dean did too, unfortunately, it wasn't.

Bobby returned to the room with hot coffee and breakfast to find Sam nuzzled up against his older brothers chest, Dean rocking him slightly and cooing in his ear. His sad eyes looked blankly out at nothing. It broke the older hunter's heart to see such devastation written on the kid's face.

They ate their breakfast in uncomfortable silence, the older men hovering, watching, encouraging Sam to eat. No such luck, Sam's food remained untouched and resting on the tabletop. After a good ten minutes of coaxing, the older men gave up, and Dean ordered his little brother into the shower.

"No if's or but's Sammy, you're taking a shower." He said in his best John Winchester 'I'm giving you an order' voice.

He ushered Sam into the bathroom, laid out his clothes on the toilet seat, turned on the warm water, and then, backed slowly from the room. "You got this – right, kiddo?" He gazed with gentle eyes at Sam.

Sam looked shaky, unsteady, but after a moment, he slowly nodded yes.

Dean grinned, and in his 'I'm taking care of you' voice stated, "I'll be right outside," His forefinger pointed into the motel room, "Right out here, if you need me." The older brother closed the door.

Dean turned and let his weary head thump back against the wooden doorway; his fingers still hovering on the doorknob just behind his back. He sighed and cast his deep emerald eyes over to stare at Bobby.

"He doesn't look so good." The older hunter whispered sadly.

"No, No…he's not good." Dean's fingers released the doorway and made a beeline up to tug roughly through his hair. He looked at the dirty carpet and heaved a weary breath. "God, Bobby, this just isn't fair. Sammy has been through so much already. To make him go through all of this again, well, it…it just sucks," he hissed out angrily.

"Yeah, I hear ya." The older hunter frowned. "Did you tell him," he paused," everything?"

"Well, I told him everything," Dean swallowed the lump sitting in his throat, "but…"

"But what, Dean," Bobby's brows furrowed. _I already know the answer._

Moisture rose in the older brothers eyes and he blinked it back. "I just couldn't tell him about…about the demons blood making him stronger, that he was addicted to it." Dean's sighed shakily. "I just couldn't…I couldn't say the words, Bobby, he didn't ask, I didn't tell."

Bobby saw the shudder as it ran tightly through Dean's limbs. His hands came up decisively to grasp the younger hunter by the arms. "It's okay Dean…he knows…he'll remember...on his own."

Dean looked him directly in the eye, didn't pull away, almost leaning into the older man for support. "You really think so?" he asked someone disbelievingly. "He asked me about Ruby, seemed overwhelmed when I told him about his friendship with her. He recalled the distance that had grown between us this past year - since my return from hell. I think he knew that he remembered releasing Lucifer from hell, that's when he quit talking about it, he just started to cry." Dean blinked back the tears brimming on his eyelashes; he stared at Bobby sadly. Suddenly he felt like he needed to defend his actions. "He didn't ask me about the blood, Bobby, and I certainly wasn't going to throw that on him, talk about it, if he wasn't ready yet. "

"No, no Dean, you did fine." Bobby released his grip and patted his surrogate son roughly on the arms. "Let him remember it in his own time, it's all in his head Dean, he just has to come to terms with it, then - - then he'll remember." Bobby nodded firmly.

They heard the shower turn off and both men looked at the bathroom door and then back at one another. They scrambled for their duffle bags, fingers fumbling to stuff at their belongings, to be busy when Sam came out of the bathroom. Two sets of eyes darted up to look at the unstable form as Sam pushed the door slowly open; the steam wafting out around the room. The kid looked sad, out of sorts, tired, run-down, but he still managed to give them both a meager smile.

Thirty minutes later, with little sleep between them, the three hunters loaded back up in the Impala and hit the winding road.

**-0- **

Sam was going through the motions, doing what he was supposed to do. He couldn't seem to think very clearly, so he'd decided, if Dean told him to do it, then he'd just do as he was told. His mind kept running amuck with memories of things that happened that he didn't want to know. He blinks out blankly at the scenery that is rolling by the window, his mind a million miles away.

_Dean starts forward pulling out the knife, as Ruby stands._

"_You're too late," she says. _

"_I don't care," Dean growls, and raises his arm. _

_Just as Ruby is about to move, Sam grabs her arms from behind, keeping her still and Dean stabs here in the stomach. She falls to the ground, dead. _

_Dean slowly raises his eyes to look at Sam._

_Sam looks back at him._

"_I'm sorry," Sam says._

_At that moment, a light suddenly appears in the middle of the circle of blood, and the circle begins to turn. The boys watch in horror. Dean slowly raises his hand and grabs Sam's jacket, just as Sam reaches for his. _

"_Sammy, let's go, "Dean says. _

"_Dean," Sam says weakly, "He's coming." _

_The boys hold onto each other as the light burns brighter. Lucifer is rising._

A shudder runs through his weary frame and he tugs his arms up around his stomach, holding himself tighter, as he swallows down the bile. He wants to turn his mind off, to stop remembering. He doesn't want to know all this, he doesn't want to remember. He chews unconsciously on his lower lip until he tastes the metal tang of blood. A sudden new memory flashes in his head and he fights to keep it out.

_Sam cuts the throat of the demon he's overpowered, and leans down, putting his mouth over the wound. He drinks her blood, then turns around. Sam looks back at Dean, blood smearing his face. Sam turns back and stabs the demon in the chest, killing her. He stands up and turns around, then puts up his hand. Dean flinches, but Sam is only stopping the demon who is possessing Amelia. He keeps holding up his hand, and the demon flows out of her mouth and onto the floor. _

Sam licks his lips. Another flash of memory and he struggles to pull in some air.

_He is standing in the panic room, looking around, when the window at the top of the door opens. He looks over at Dean, who is standing outside._

"_Okay. Let me out. This is not funny."_

"_Damn straight," Dean replies._

"_Dean - come on. This is crazy!" Sam walks closer to the door._

"_No. Not until you dry out," Dean says firmly. _

_Sam sighs. "Look. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied to you. Just... open the door." _

_Dean shrugs. "You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault. It's not your fault that you lied to me, over and over again. I get it now, you couldn't help it."_

"_I'm not some junkie!" Sam snaps. _

"_Really? I guess I've just imagined how strung out you've been lately," Dean says sarcastically._

_Sam snorts. "You're actually trying to twist this into some ridiculous drug intervention?"_

"_If it smells like a duck," Dean calmly replies._

"_Dean, I'm not drinking the demon blood for kicks!" Sam says loudly. "I'm getting strong enough to kill Lillith!"_

_That can't be right - - that didn't happen, didn't happen. _Tears well up in his blue-green eyes and he looks up in the rearview mirror, Dean's face is staring back at him.

**-0-**

The windows were down in the car and the moist air was blowing lightly against their faces. It was still hot, somewhat muggy, but dark clouds were rolling into view. Rain was in their very near future, and the breeze felt awesomely good. Dean glanced in the rearview mirror to check out his little brother. _Sam looks like his breaking, just about to cry. _He had hoped he helped his brother come to terms with some of his past, but right now, he really isn't sure.

He glances at Sammy in the rearview; the kid is just drained. His head is leaning slightly forward, wind ragged bangs flopping wildly in his eyes. Those once innocent hazel eyes now look sad and overwrought as they stare back up at Dean. The kid is obviously exhausted, mentally as well as physically. The dark smudges set visibly beneath his sagging lids, and he's far too pale. But what unnerves Dean the most, is the quiet, Sam has never been quiet in the car, always chattering away about some unimportant fact. Not his time, the kid has uttered four words since they left the old motel. He just sets numbly in the back seat, looking out at nothing, as tears well against his lids. Dean can tell his little brother is struggling just to hold it all together.

"I think we need to stop," he whispers across the seat at Bobby.

"Yeah, I think that'd be a good idea too." The older hunter looks back over the seat at Sammy, his long arm bracing against the shivering knee. "It's okay Sammy; it's all going to be okay."

**-0-**

Dean and Bobby are excellent hunters. They've been trained by John Winchester, one of the very best around. They know to keep their head in the game; it's the hunter's law and they both know it by heart - Don't hunt when you are too tired, too distraught, or too pissed off – end of story. They know the law, but sometimes, it's hard to live by. This time, well, it's one of those times.

All the older hunters can see is Sam's distraught face; his sad eyes welled up with freshly falling tears. If they hadn't been exhausted, too tired and worried, they might've noticed the rusted old Chevy truck when it pulled out of the motel just behind them. They might've seen it following way back down the road. But, they didn't, they weren't attuned to what was going on outside the car, too busy taking care of the precious burden inside to car. They didn't see the demons that were hot on their trail – and they didn't take notice of the evil entities as they lingered just behind. They certainly didn't realize what the minions had on their minds - - to get their hands on one, Samuel Winchester, and take them to their lord.

8


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**A/N: **So glad you are still with me. Review please, tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Seventeen **

The sky was a dusty grey and blue color, the sun falling down below the overhang of rocks and barren wasteland. Dusk was being devoured by the darkness, a thick black fog rolling in across the sandy dirt. No stars peeking from the shadows, no moon hanging high up in the sky.

The Impala pulled over at the rest stop somewhere just outside of Winslow, Arizona. It had been a long day, the hunter's inside the vehicle were functioning on too little sleep, not near enough coffee, and an urgent desire driving them relentlessly forward. They needed to get to Devils Gate, and they needed to do it now.

They hadn't seen or heard from Castiel in over two days, but, Dean knew he'd be around, figured the angel of god was busy rounding up the troops. If he thought about that too much, he'd maybe laugh out loud, so he'd dash those thoughts just as soon as the popped into his mind. _Me – Dean Winchester, destined to kill Lucifer, go figure…. _

Dean pushed the driver's door open with a loud squeak as Bobby exited the passenger side at the same time. The senior hunter glanced across the hood at Dean, nodded when he knew the older brother would take care of Sam, and had everything under control. He moved slowly toward the roadside restroom.

"Sam," Dean leaned back down inside the car, emerald eyes looking intently at his brother in the back seat. "You need to stretch your legs," more a statement than a question.

Sam blinked wide eyed at his older brother, "Huh…"

"Sam, get out of the car." Dean ordered as he pulled the seat up, hand reaching in and grabbing Sammy by his arm, tugging him from the back.

Sam's limbs moved stiffly from the cramped space. He was slightly pale, eyes bloodshot and tired, the heat from the drive wearing on his still fragile frame. He wavered on his feet, but momentarily regained his footing, Dean gripping him tightly by the elbow.

"You okay?" Dean asked with curious concern.

Sam nodded slowly, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." The younger hunter pulled away from this brother's grip, sagging back against the side of the car.

The shuffle of boots on the pavement signaled Bobby's return from the men's room. He smiled warmly at Sam. "How you doing?"

Sam's fingers came up to squeeze between his eyes, brows furrowing into a hasty frown. "Would you two stop asking me that, please." Both hunters noted that the kid sounded a lot like the five year old whiny Sam that they remembered from their past. "I said - I AM FINE."

Dean grinned and Bobby chewed on his lower lip for a second, "Sorry, kid." He nodded silently then paced over toward a picnic table and plopped down on the bench.

"I'm going to the bathroom, Sammy, do you need to go?" the older brother asked quietly.

Sam's head tugged up, a stunned expression pulling to his face. "No, Daddy, I don't need to pee." He glared at Dean, then stomped across the field to a large oak tree and leaned silently against it.

Dean started to follow, but Bobby's words stopped him. "Just leave him be Dean, kids got a lot to absorb right now."

Dean shrugged up his shoulders, "Didn't mean to piss in his wheaties." He glanced one last time at Sam, and then moved toward the men's room.

Bobby eyeballed the vending machines on the far side of the building. _A cool drink would do them all some good. _His fingers jingled the loose change in his pants pocket, pushing to stand, he looked around the area. _ Ain't nothing going on here. _He moved around the building. Stuffing change in the vending machines, he waited patiently as the old mechanism dispensed two cokes and a 7up into his anxiously awaiting hands.

**-0- **

The bathroom had a very distinct odor, one that made Dean want to gag. He swallowed down the feeling, did his personal business and moved to wash his hands. The water came out in a little dribble, barely enough to wet one finger, let alone all ten. He sighed, ripped off a paper towel and dry wiped his hands. He moved slowly from the damp room back out into the fresh, dry Arizona air.

His eyes darted across as Bobby moved toward him, hand pushing a coke into his own. He smiled and popped off the top, gulping down the cold liquid in a rush. Both hunters walked slowly back toward the car as their eyes glanced over to look at Sam resting by the tree.

_Sam?_

Dean's head perused the area and uneasiness resting in his stomach. The coke dropped from his fingers as he turned on his boots, full circle, looking for his long haired gangly brother. His heart began to thud loudly in his chest and he could barely catch his breathe. _Where's Sam?_

"Bobby?" the older brother's voice quivered with undeniable urgency.

Bobby's eyes darted around the area, "Maybe he's in the car." He too dropped the drinks and began to jog, then, full out ran toward the Impala. _No Sam_. _Oh god, where'd he go, he was just here._

"SAMMY?" Dean yelled as he ran to the last spot he had seen his little brother. Glancing down, he stooped to pick up the braided brown bracelet that his Sammy always wore. He had given the bracelet to Sam for his sixteenth birthday. He struggled momentarily to catch his breath as his fingers brushed against the knotty rope. He stood up, on suddenly weak legs, and then, he yelled again. "SAMMY?"

His ears were greeted with nothing, but the blowing of the wind.

**-0- **

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Sam awoke to water dripping, a steady stream against his face. He blinked open his heavy eyelids and stared out into the darkness? _Where am I? _A dim light danced in through a window way up above his head, he could barely make it out. He shielded his eyes as another dribble of water plummeted down against his brow. He tilted his face slightly to the side, to get away from the continual trickle of water. _Man, my head hurts._

He opened and closed his eyes, tugging his hand up to rub across his aching brow. His fingers found the tender spot nuzzled on the side of his head. _Owe. _ He pulled his hand away, feeling the sticky coating of blood against his fingertips, from the cut that was just behind his ear. His mind raced to recall how he got here, where here was – Dean? _Where's Dean? Bobby?_

He remembered riding in the car, he remembered it was hot, and he was tired. He remembered his brother and 'uncle' were suffocating him, taking care of him, comforting him from memories that he didn't want to have. He pushed to set up, the aching in his head increasing angrily with the motion. He immediately slumped back down against the floor. _Breathe, just breath through it. _ His Dad's voice echoed in his head. If he lay perfectly still, the pain was manageable - a slow pounding in his skull. He closed his eyes, drifting in the pain and taking comfort in oblivion, as it came to take him back. 


	18. Chapter 18

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**A/N: **Review please, tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Eighteen **

Dean and Bobby paced hastily around the rest stop, checking every nook and cranny, every possible place that Sam could've gone. In the end, they both knew, it was a futile search, Sammy was just gone.

Bobby was suddenly overwhelmed with grief._ I shouldn't have left the kid alone._ He yanked his worn out baseball cap from his balding head and flung it heatedly to the ground. "Son of a bitch." He muttered.

Dean rested both of his shaky hands on the hood of the Impala. He couldn't seem to catch his breath. All he could hear was the loud thudding of his heartbeat in his ears. _ Not again…please… I was supposed to be watching out for him, oh god, where is he, who took him?_ He eyes darted across the hood to Bobby and he stared blankly at the man.

"Okay," Dean finally heaved out on a shuddering breath of air. "Okay…just let me think for a minute," he whispered.

Bobby looked sadly at the older brother. _ Get it together old man, be here for Dean. _He nodded silently in agreement and reached down to grab up his hat. He tugged it back against his head and looked forlornly back at Dean, "I'm sorry," the older man's voice quivered with the words.

Dean's fingers toyed with the woven bracelet against the hood of the car as he glanced across at Bobby. "Not your fault," he said with firm conviction, "I should've been watching him better." He stuffed Sam's knotty bracelet inside his blue jean pocket, and tugged his hand up through his hair.

Bobby just shook his head. _No amount of admitting I'm at fault is going to take this burden off of Dean – it's just the kid's way._ _Sam is gone, and Dean takes all the blame, it's just the rules according to the Dean Winchester handbook for big brothers. _"No sense dwelling on who made a mistake Dean, let's just find your brother." Bobby sighed unhappily and moved to open the passenger door. "They couldn't have gotten far."

Dean nodded in agreement as he slid inside the car both doors slamming harshly shut. Sudden revelation dawned on him and he hastily groped his hand into his jean pocket and pulled his cell phone out.

Bobby's eyes widened as he watched Dean make the call. _Dare I hope it could be that easy? _

Dean punched in Sam's number, the phone rang three times, and then diverted to voice mail, "You've reached Sam - you know what to do."

Dean's face fell, anguish obvious on his features. "Sam, if you don't pick up…" his voice broke for a second, "please, Sammy, just… call me." He slapped the phone shut as he attempted to regain his composure.

Bobby chewed on his lower lip as he watched the young man fight to stay in control.

Suddenly, a voice spoke quietly from the back seat, "He's still alive Dean."

"Castiel?" Dean turned around abruptly in the front seat, phone fumbling in his fingers, as he looked across the bench seat at the angel's weary face.

"Demons took him."

"What?" Dean's eyes grew huge as he glanced across at Bobby, then back upon Castiel. "How'd they get by us?"

Castiel rolled his eyes, "They're demons, Dean, that's what they do. I told you Lucifer feels threatened by your brother," the angel stated matter-of-fact.

Bobby looked angrily at Castiel, "Where is he?" he demanded to know.

"Devils Gate, they have him at Devils Gate." Castiel slumped dejectedly back against the back seat of the car and sighed. _And I hope we're not too late._

"What? Sweet Jesus…" Bobby huffed.

"Can't you just beam us there or something?" The older brother asked anxiously as he recalled the other times Castiel had done just that. "That's what you do, just put get me in there," his blue-green eyes pleading with the angel.

"No, Dean, I'm sorry, as much as I'd like to, I can't just beam you into the devils lair."

Dean's palms banged heatedly down against the steering wheel, eyes brimming over with unshed, heated tears. "What good are you then…damnit?"

"That's bullshit," Bobby's eyes narrowed into pissed off glare. "You did it before."

The angel just stared at both of the angry hunters. "Yes, but Lucifer wasn't there, I can't…I wish…but, I…I just can't do it. Satan is too strong."

"But you…you…" Dean was furious, his voice rising as anger rushed quickly through his veins. His left eye begin to twitch. The sudden urge to take care of Sam was unrelenting and gripping him tightly in his gut. His fingers tensed tightly around the steering wheel as his fingers lost their color. "You know what, you know what…you angels, all the damn demons, you all suck…you're all asshats the whole lot of you, tricking me, tricking Sam." He wanted to punch something, beat the crap out of it, angry words spewing across his lips. "You all, every last one of you - you suck, you hear me…I'm tired of this shit, this game we keep having to play. No one and I mean no one, better hurt my little brother."

The angel's eyes grew wide. Bobby wasn't sure if it was concern or fear that made him look so stunned. He grinned inwardly at Dean's remarks. _ You go son, tell him how it is. _

"I'm sorry," the angel exhaled noiselessly as he stared down at his hands. "You know, if I could, I would," he whispered almost shakily.

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Just - go Dean." He sucked in a heated breath and fought against the urge to knock the shit out of Castiel. Sam was gone, Dean was upset, and he was pissed.

Dean swallowed hard, shored up his shoulders, and pulled his emotions back into check. The desire to get to his little brother pushed him forward. He floored the gas paddle as he glared one last time in the rearview at Castiel. _Damn worthless angels._ Gravel and dust wavered up behind the car as the Impala fishtailed then careened back to the road.

**-0- **

Something was ringing way off the distance, Sam could hear it, but couldn't quite grasp it. _What is that? _ Suddenly it stopped. He felt annoyingly disconnected, dizzy, and out of sorts, and he hadn't even opened his eyes yet. He already knew he didn't want to. The pain in his head was unrelenting, an intense throbbing that radiated around from the back of his skull and throbbed right behind his eyes. A constant dull slap that did not want to quit. He struggled to fight the darkness; his lashes fluttering lightly against his cheeks before he finally managed to tug open his sluggish eyelids. The shadows didn't go away though, just grew a little less black. He blinked and gazed at the light shifting of brightness somewhere far above his head. _Where am I? _He blinked again and attempted to orient himself. _How'd I get here? _He slowly moved one arm, pressing his shaky hand down against the damp hardness of the floor. His arms wobbled, his headache spiking with the movement. He bit his lip, but forced himself to rise, to set up and take in his surroundings. He was in a narrow, rocky opening, perched some fifty feet below the light above. He could vaguely hear water running somewhere in the distance and the sound alone made him really want a drink. He licked his lips. It was damp and cold and it chilled him deep inside his bones. He shuddered.

"DEAN?" he yelled, his voice echoing on the rocks and ground around him. The pain in his head spiked with his words, but he knew he needed to find his brother, and he needed to find him now. "DEAN?" he screamed again. He tugged his wobbly hand up to press against the rock wall, his eyes growing more accustomed in the dimness of the light. He strained his eyes to see.

Suddenly, the small hairs on the back of Sam's neck stood up. _Someone else was here. _He could feel them, just behind the shadows, just outside his sight. His heart slammed harshly against his ribcage and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. He didn't know why, but he was afraid, very afraid and he didn't want to see.

There was movement in the shadows - - a voice hissing through the veil.

"Welcome home, Samuel."


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**A/N: **Review please, tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Nineteen **

Sam pushed on his wobbly hands; his body crab clawing backwards as his butt scooted on the ground. He squinted at the shadowy figure that seemed to be moving closer to him. He sucked in a shaky breath.

"Wh…where'm I?" he demanded.

A hollow laugh echoed in around him and chilled him to the bone. The indistinct shape moved quickly closer, now looming just above him.

Sam's eyes grew wide, his breath catching in his throat. The darkness faded into a reddish glow of light as the features slowly came into focus. He stared in open-mouthed amazement; the figure slowly grinning down at him.

"Hi-ya Sammy."

"D…D…Dad?" Sam's voice whispered out. "You…you…can't be real…"

Another cackle permeated the air. "Well, some'n like that." The form whispered lightly as it slowly squatted down. "I can be whoever I need to be." The figure stated flatly.

The youngest Winchester cringed and pushed back further against the rocky wall. "You son of a bitch, stop wearing my father's face."

The creature laughed and stood back up, it twirled around gleefully, before staring back at Sam.

"Who…who are you?" Sam's head tilted up to look the impostor directly in the eye.

"Oh, I got lots of names…"

Memories of Meg, of being possessed flashed across Sammy's mind. _I've heard those words before, I've said them. _A shiver ran across his spine. "Meg…" he stated in amazement.

"No…No…no…but that's a good one." The being cackled. It laughed, and laughed, and laughed, its arms curled in around its stomach, its borrowed body heaving from Sam's words.

Sam just stared, eyes growing wider with fear. His heart palpitated harshly against his rib cage. He felt woozy. _Not Dad, not Dad, not Dad._

"You, my son, you can call me - Dad," The creature suddenly zipped right in front of Sam, red eyes momentarily flashing. His hot breath fluttered Sam's hair against his cheek, causing the younger man to cringe and pull away. "If you want," the demon offered with a wicked smile.

"Don't call me son, you bastard." Sam turned his cheek away from the being, the one he truly wished was his father, but in reality - was not. Tears welled up in his hazels and he blinked them quickly back. He turned his face to stare heatedly at the creature.

"I've been called worse," the demon shrugged, "Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, Satan, and my personal favorite – Prince of Darkness."

Sam gulped down the large knot that was suddenly setting in his throat. "Y...you…you're L...Lucifer?" he stuttered.

John's face grinned. His hands came out; palms open as he smiled almost warmly at Sam, wide grin curling to his lips. "In the flesh, Sammy boy, in the flesh; you know, I can look like whomever, as long as I have a host." He grinned wickedly, "Really," he smirked. "I'm some over paid plastic surgeon from LA, but then, that's not who you want to see, now is it?"

Sam squint his eyes shut; he didn't want to look any longer, didn't want to see his Dad's face on the biggest Demon of them all.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the fallen angel huffed, his face contorting into a look of mock grief. "Well, if it's bothering you that much, Sam." The devil sighed. He reached John's Winchester's rugged hand up to feather his fingers lightly through Sam's disheveled hair.

Sam just pulled away.

The Lord of Demons shook his head in slight disdain, then, morphed suddenly into a blue eyed, blond haired man right before Sam's eyes.

Sam jumped in surprise, brows furrowing in confusion.

"There now, is that better for you son?" Satan cooed. He dropped his hand from Sam's face and glowered, blue eyes flashing crimson red.

Sam didn't want to cry, but he couldn't help the warm tears that rolled slowly down his face. "I'm not your son." He stammered out again, fear gripping him tightly in his chest. _If you go down, go down swinging._ Dean's words echoed in his head. He stared angrily at the devil. "I – am- not- your- son!" he stated vehemently.

"Ying, yang - Whatever Sam, as far as I'm concerned, you're my son. You got that special demon blood coursing through your veins, right?" The demon snarled. "Best thing Azazel ever did for me." The creature looked almost human, the warm smile resting on his face. "He was a good boy too." The devil winked at Sam and then stood, one arm yanking Sammy to his feet.

Sam's weak knees wavered and he wobbled on his legs.

Satan's firm grip tightened. "Guess you've had a rough time lately, huh, kid, what with my arrival and killing Lilith and all. You've been busy, but hey, you got the job done, I appreciate that."

Sam cringed with the words. He didn't want to think about it. _You set him free, Dumbo._

The blond headed entity smiled brightly at Sam. "You're just a little run down, but hey, little of my special blood and we can fix that right up." Satan nodded. "You know, I have work for you to do."

Sam gulped in more oxygen as darkness danced in his periphery. _Oh God, somebody help me. Please. No...No...No...No...No! Dean, please…please, help me…. _He yanked harshly away from the hand that held him and fell abruptly to his knees. His lanky limbs wavered as he swayed forward, head soon smacking to the ground.

"Dam it, you hard headed little cuss – you're messing up the package." Lucifer hissed out in a snarl.

Sam was vaguely aware that he was on his feet, electrical current holding him up right. Vague thoughts filtered through his head. _What'd he just say, the package, what about the package? _Satan's words echoed in his head as his vision started to slowly fade away.

**-0-**

The reservoir adjacent to Oak Grove was quiet when the dark black Impala pulled up to park on the side of the road. It was way after midnight, the drive from the rest stop to California having been completed in record time. Dean had stopped very minimal, only to fuel up, feed up, and piss, as he liked to put it.

Stiff bodies moved slowly from the car's interior, eyes peering quickly around the night.

Bobby stretched and moaned slightly as he looked across the hood at Dean. He moved slowly toward the trunk for the weapons.

"So, where's Sam?" Dean asked overeagerly of Castiel.

"He's here, somewhere" the angel whispered.

A shadow rolled across Dean's face. _What the hell, where is he?_

"He's alive, Dean." Castiel offered up freely, hoping to calm some of the older brother's anxiety. "I can feel him, he's alive."

Dean shuffled to the trunk. "So where are all your angel buddies?"

Bobby's eyebrows arched up at that one and he glowered at the angel.

"They'll be here, when needed."

Bobby huffed. "Yeah, sure, just like they always are." _ I know I'm being negative, but this is really starting to piss me off, angels and demons alike, using both my boys._

Dean rolled his eyes, fingers grabbing out his blue jean jacket and hastily putting it on. _To hot for this, but I need the pockets_. He yanked up his sawed off, the holy water and anything else that he could carry. He quickly stuffed the items into his coat.

"We need a rope." The angel of the Lord stated matter of fact as he shuffled from one foot to the other.

"So why don't you grab it big guy." Bobby said smugly, "seems like you should be able to carry something." _Damn worthless angel._

Castile rolled his eyes at Bobby as his fingers yanked the tattered rope from the trunk and shoved it over his shoulder. _You don't understand._ He wished he could do more, but right now, he just couldn't. _ To everything there comes a time._ If they could get Sam away from Lucifer, not if, but when they get Sam away from Lucifer, then it will be Dean's job to smite the fallen angel._ And that's when I can help. _

Dean grinned with Bobby's words, but didn't say anything. He slammed the trunk lid closed. _ I'm coming Sammy. _

"This way," Castiel stated, "This way to Devils Gate."

_**A/N- Moving right along here, I hope to wrap this up before September 10**__**th**__**!! Review if you have time, let me know if you like 'MY' Season 5. – Denise-**_


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Twenty **

Dean's green eyes glared and squinted downward into the rocky crevasse. His flash light bounced against the dirt and clay as the low beam of light disappeared deep into the hole.

"So Sam's down there," he queried curiously as he glanced up at the angel.

Castiel nodded, dropping the coiled rope from his shoulder to the grass.

"Well, shit," Bobby said with exasperation, "Down there?"

"Yep," Castiel looked from the black hole back to Bobby; the older man's face a mask of disbelief.

Dean snickered, "Bobby's not too keen on tight spots."

"Shut up Dean," the senior hunter huffed.

It only took a quick moment to tie off the rope and drop it down the opening; the hemp spiraling downward until it disappeared in the dark.

"You can go first," Dean offered up to Bobby with a grin.

The older hunter snorted, then gestured his middle finger at Dean.

Dean chuckled, and Castiel rolled his eyes, "I'll go first," _Sooner I get to Sammy, the better. _ "Hey, Bobby, shine your flashlight down there."

Bobby heaved out a weary sigh. "I ain't gonna like this."

The young hunter pushed the worn work gloves on his hands and stuck his own flashlight deep inside his pocket. He tucked the rope tightly in his grasping fingers, and eased down the side of the mucky opening. His body fell heavily, swinging just above the hole. He grunted as his own weight bore down on his arms, his muddy boots sliding on the damp grass, as large clumps of rock and dirt fell off into the nothingness down below. Tilting his head, he strained to hear the pebbles and rocks thudding on the ground somewhere far beneath him. "I'd say it's about twenty-five feet." He glanced up at Bobby.

The senior hunter nodded in agreement, "Wonderful," he brooded.

The hunter and the angel stood silently, watching as Dean disappeared into the shadows. In a few minutes only the top of his head was visible upon their straining eyes. They could barely hear his voice as he yelled up from the hole.

"I'm down," Dean's voice echoed. He gave the rope a quick yank so the others knew he was clear. _Damn it's dark as hell down here_. He abruptly pulled the flashlight from his coat pocket, flipping it quickly on to see. His eyes squinted to adjust sudden onslaught of brightness, then glanced around his surroundings. He could hear the light trickle of water far off in the distance somewhere; the distinct smell of damp and dankness assaulted his senses. _Is this a cave? _

Up top, Bobby looked hopefully over at Castiel. "Maybe you could just beam us down there? Huh, surprise Dean and all." he asked hopefully. _Don't like dark confining spaces much._

The angel just stared at him.

Bobby huffed, and then pushed a pair of gloves and the rope into Castiel's hands. "Here, you're going to need these". _Angels, yeah, they're really helpful… yeah right._

**-0-**

Sam awoke abruptly, limbs feeling heavy as if he weighed a ton. He gasped for air and strained to turn his head, something cutting at his neck. He blinked. It was dark. _Where am I? How'd I get here?_ He couldn't move his arms as realization slowly dawned against him. _Why am I tied down? _ His arms were splayed out from his shoulders, his wrists anchored to… _A rock? _He strained to move his legs, but they too where anchored to the rock. _What the hell? _ The dampness of the boulder crept up and through his clothes. The dankness soaked deep inside his bones. Ominously, he realized he was not alone, muffled voices whispering around him, but he couldn't see a thing.

"H…hello," he whispered. _Dean?_

The voices stopped.

The hair on the back of his neck stood up. He blinked in the hazy light as his eyes attempted to become acclimated to the blackness. His mind raced as he tried to comprehend exactly what was going on. He squirmed against the bindings that held him firmly against the flat, but smooth surface. He attempted to move his hands, his arms, his legs, but it was of no use, he wasn't getting up. Something harsh cut into his neck again, felt like metal tearing at his skin. He winced, and stilled, his eyes darting in the dark.

"Let me go." He yelled heatedly.

The muffled voices returned with hideous laughter that rolled and bounced around. They whispered, they chanted. _Chosen one, chosen, chosen, chosen._ The mutterings grew louder, shrill voices humming in the wind.

A hand suddenly reached to cup his face and he cringed away, head tilting and pushing against the rock he was firmly down against.

"Don't," he pleaded, "no…don't touch me.

The mantra grew louder. _ The one, the chosen, chosen, chosen, chosen, chosen._

The cold hand slipped beneath his shirt, ripping and tearing at the fabric, shredding it away. He held his breath, attempted to sink inside himself, to get away, but it was no use. Sweat beaded on his brow. He glanced down to see nothingness, but he could feel fingers as they caressed against his skin, teasing at his taunt body. He shuddered. Hot breath blew against his face and he strained to see, but no one was there, no one - that he could see. He blinked, twisted away. Perspiration dampened his hair as he panted in oxygen across his open lips, the metal binding pulling at his neck. He swallowed nervously, eyes wide and panicked as they darted around the darkness. _Stop, please stop._

"Welcome back, my son."

Suddenly, his confusion turned to fear, as a shape seemed to be taking form beside him. He strained his eyes to see, his hands and feet pulled and tugged at the bindings that trapped him firmly to the stone. _Lucifer, demons…oh God, help me, somebody… please. _

-0-

Dean tilted his head at a slight angle, ears straining to hear what sounded like chanting, mumbling, mutterings somewhere far away. _ What the hell? _The loud thud beside him drew his attention as Bobby tumbled to the ground.

"You okay?" he asked the older hunter as he tugged him to his feet.

"Yeah, just lost my footing," Bobby muttered as he released his grip on the rope.

"Uh huh," Dean smiled smugly.

"Damn worthless angel said he'd be down in a minute." The older hunter brushed the dirt off his blue jeans as he looked disgustedly at Dean.

"He's right there," Dean nodded behind Bobby and the hunter swiveled on his shoes.

"What the hell, I though you said you couldn't beam us down here?" Bobby hissed.

"I didn't say I couldn't beam myself down." Castiel lips curled up in a grin.

Bobby rolled his eyes and flipped on his flashlight. "Angels," he muttered.

**-0- **

Satan smiled at Sam, dark black eyes gleaming in a crimson glow of light. His fingers ghosted down Sam's cheek, then dwindled on his shoulder. "You, my son, will be my salvation, my light into this world. You brought me back, you know that, it was you and you alone, and now, now I need a permanent host, and you, my son, will be it."

Sam's brows furrowed as he tugged harshly at his bindings. "I'm not your son, or your host, I'd rather die."

"And so, my son, you shall."


	21. Chapter 21

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Twenty 0ne **

A heavy hand descended to Sam's chest, fingers splayed out against his taunt muscles, burning at his skin. He gasped and stared in confusion at the human face above him, the piercing red eyes were mesmerizing. The chanting grew louder. He struggled against the bindings that held him tightly down, the ropes that kept him from moving and cut into his skin. A sudden blinding white hot pain pierced throughout his body.

"Get off me!" he screamed as he panted for air.

His body became hotter by the minute, his limbs aching as his head suddenly felt like it was about to burst into flames. He sobbed and twisted against it, his vision blurring with the ache. He gritted his teeth, but it was of no use, he couldn't get away from the pain that was engulfing him. He'd never felt such hurt before, such blinding, red hot, pain. He'd had all kinds of headaches, but this one was different, more… vicious, like a vice grip tightening and pushing at his skull. It felt like something was crawling and probing through his brain with claws and teeth, biting and scratching, ripping and tearing and…._please god…justmakeitstop!_

As darkness enveloped him, his body sagged against the stone, his head lolled to the side as one last word whispered past his lips, "Dean."

**-0- **

Dean, Bobby, and Castiel moved as quickly as they could through the musty caverns. But, it was dark; the low beams of their flashlights making it very hard to see. The trek was slow, tedious, but they were unrelenting, one thing on their minds. The voices grew louder with every stride, closer; the chanting more thunderous with every step they took.

Dean stopped unexpectedly. "What're they saying?" he growled. Hey eyed both men as he stained his ears to hear. _Chosen, chosen, chosen, chosen, chosen._ The whispered word grew louder, the chanting rising upward into a mighty fevered pitch. For a second he felt overwhelmed, fear for Sammy tightening in his stomach. He sucked in a heavy breath and swallowed thickly.

"What are they saying?" Bobby repeated in confusion. _Chosen? _He gave the angel and ominous stare.

The angels green eyes widened, "We need to move," he stated. He shoved and pushed the hunters forward, "Now!"

"Get off me," Someone screamed, a pained laden voice echoing through the empty caverns.

"Dean?" Bobby spoke his name, concern heavy in his tone. _That sounds like Sam?_

The adrenaline spiked in the older brother's veins. He didn't need to hear another sound; he didn't need to see Bobby's face. He recognized his little brother's cry. _Sammy? _And he ran.

"Dean Wait," Castiel's voice warned, but he was too focused on Sammy to heed to the angels words.

-0-

Dean's eyes darted in the darkness breath sucking harshly past his lips, his body feeding off the adrenaline that was coursing through his veins, he stumbled, but kept running, he had to get to Sam. Suddenly, his boots skidded to a halt, dirt and rocks flailing up around him. He blinked blankly at the scene before him. A tall, blond haired man stood beside a rock. _An alter, holy shit!_ His large hand pressed flat against his little brother's chest. _What the hell?_

Dean drew in a slow even breath, his chest heaving from the run. The shock of what he was seeing momentarily staggered his thoughts. Hundreds of demon filled bodies stood, pin prick black orbs gazing down at Sam, chanting and smiling, one word over and over and over. _Chosen, chosen, chosen. _

And his brother, his poor broken little brother, the man who had released Lucifer from hell, the one he tried so hard to protect, was sprawled against the stone, and tied down like an animal, like a sacrificial lamb. His hair was damp with sweat and matted to his face. His eyes were closed, his head languishing against the rock. He was shirtless and bleeding, and totally unaware.

New fury ran rampant through Dean's body, unbridled, unrestrained anger coursing hotly through his veins. "Get away from my brother," he hissed, steel blue eyes glaring at them all.

The chanting ceased as hundreds of heads rose to stare at the intruder.

The blond haired man stood stock still, his back to Dean, hand still resting on Sam's chest.

"I said, get away from my brother you son of a bitch."

The hand rose from Sam's frail frame as the figure turned slowly around to face Dean. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the great savior, Dean Winchester, in the flesh." A wicked smile curled to Satan's face.

"Step away from Sam," Dean spat out again, anger bubbling in his gut. He waved the barrel of his sawed off up in the demons face.

"Humph," the being's eyes squinted, then, flashed from blue to red. He laughed a robust hearty laugh as he grinned brightly back at Dean. "And just what are you going to do if I don't?" he asked snarkily.

"Kick your ass." Dean grinned as he pushed forward in the crowd. _ Get to Sam, see how Sam is. _

"Do you know who you're talking to?" the fallen angel questioned, eyebrows arching in a V.

"I have some idea." Dean advised with a smile. _No fear, show no fear_. He pushed to stand next to the blond haired, blue eyed man, his own eyes falling down to the rock slab and his silent little brother.

Lucifer watched, amused. "He's fine; you got here just in the nick of time." He grinned. "I was waiting for you."

Dean's head tilted with the words. _Wha' the…? _ "You're waitin' for me, well good." Dean shrugged, smug grin curling to his lips. "Could it be 'cause I'm going to kill your ass and send you back to hell?"

"He may be the chosen one," Lucifer nodded at Sam and smiled, "But you, his 'touched by an angel' older brother, are special too." His hand rose up so quickly that Dean was taken by surprise. Hot fingers rested on his forehead as Satan hissed out his final words "Since you are destined to kill me, hmmmm, me thinks, I must kill you first."

The evil minions cackled, the noise a fevered pitch.

And Dean's world began to spin. _Okay, where the hell are the angels?_ The sandy haired hunter attempted to pull from Satan's grip, but it was too late. He stumbled backwards then fell limply to his knees. His body swayed. He struggled to focus, but it was of no use. He gazed up at his unconscious little brother and back to Satan's face._ Some savior I am…_ The gun tumbled slowly from his lax fingers as he smacked against the floor.

**-0-**

"Son of a bitch," Bobby hissed, his voice rising into panic as events unraveled not some thirty feet away. He squinted through the darkness, finger tightening on the trigger, body itching to break free from their hiding place. He sighed. His heart told him to run and help his boys…now! His mind immediately made up, he was poised to move when Castiels palm suddenly pressed against his chest, holding him firmly in place, grounding him to the here and now.

"No!" the seraph hissed.

Bobby looked wide eyed at the angel.

"Damn it," Castiel muttered, "I knew this was a trap."


	22. Chapter 22

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Twenty Two **

Bobby was momentarily stunned. _What the hell? _ "You knew this was a trap?" He hissed exasperatedly as his fingers wrapped tightly around Castiels wrist, staring aghast at the very human angel.

Castiel just shrugged, his eyes dropping to stare at the ground. "Well, I thought it might've been, you know, to get Dean here and all." The angel looked back up, slightly uncomfortable, as he shuffled from one foot to the other and gazed at Bobby's disbelieving face. _He doesn't look too happy. _

Bobby just glared. "Shit…" he muttered. _Do not kill the angel, do not kill the angel, do not…._ The words echoed inside his head. The hunter sucked in a weary breath and released the guardian angels wrist from his shaking hand. "Okay, okay," he moved his palm down his weary face, eyes squinting at the holy being in front of him, "So, let me get this straight, you knew this was a trap, and you…you just let Dean run in here," he heaved in a steadying breath, "all guns a blazing?"

"Well, no," the angel stuttered, "well, yes, but no…" The angel shook his head. "It isn't like that."

"I don't have time for this shit," Bobby frowned, "You guys are worthless." His heavy hand moved to shove the seraph aside, but Castiel stood his ground, feet firmly planted, eyes taking on a sudden golden glow.

"No, wait, let me explain." Castiel pleaded, his are came up, his palm resting flat against the older hunter's chest.

Bobby sighed. "You got 30 seconds," He stated point-blank, "angel or no angel." His wary eyes darted to Dean, watching some thirty feet away as his surrogate son was being manhandle up by several demons to stand before their lord.

"If Lucifer attempts to kill Dean, then the archangel - - he will come." Castiel whispered almost giddily. His eyes glimmered brightly as if he'd won a prize. "And he will bring it…"

"It?" Bobby's brows furrowed in confusion.

"THE WEAPON…the one that will kill Satan," Castiel continued in a rush, "Don't you see? The archangel will bring it - I can't ask him for it, but, if Dean is threatened, then…then…he will come."

Castiel practically glowed with his admission.

"That's it, that's all you freakin' got?" Bobby whispered heatedly. _I cannot believe this shit._

"It's enough." Castiel murmured with a very happy grin.

**-0- **

The oldest Winchesters head wobbled on his neck as he was jostled up to stand. His addled mind attempted to comprehend what was actually going on. His head felt too heavy as it floundered on his neck. _I need to clear my thoughts here, focus_. He sucked in a gulp of air. He blinked, his hazy green eyes falling to his unconscious sibling. His mind cleared immediately as the reality of the situation began to seep back in. He struggled against the wicked minions that held him firmly captive. He was forcefully hoisted forward to stand in front of the biggest demon of them all, the one, the only, Lucifer. _Isn't this the guy I'm supposed to smite?_

Satan laughed at the foggy green eyes that glared at him intensely.

"Screw you," Dean yelled heatedly as his vision finally cleared. _Watch out for Sam. Take care of your brother. _His father's words repeated in his head.

Lucifer laughed harder, a horrid evil cackle, as his face seemed to contort into an unclear, distorted being. His hand rose up in front of Dean, evil grin curling to his lips. His eyes flashed a deeply crimson red, and then, suddenly his distorted hand fell swiftly, his long ragged nails ripping deep into Sam's skin, tearing across the signal, the tattoo across his chest. The same tattoo that Dean had gotten, the same one that was meant to keep Sammy safe – to protect him. He could hear his own words to Sam as they screamed inside his head. _That's right Sammy, no possessions, no demons, not anymore little brother, not with this tattoo. _

He sucked in some air. "No…" he shouted.

Blood spurted from the ragged wound, and rolled profusely down Sam's side where it pooled thickly on the top of his blue jeans and the jagged rock below. The unconscious hunter flinched involuntarily, immediate pain lines etching to his face. A low almost inaudible whimper ghosted across his lips, as his eyelashes fluttered against his paling cheeks.

"You son of a bitch, leave him alone." The older brother yelled, unable to help his little brother as he tugged and pulled against his captors.

Lucifer smiled.

"You see, Dean, if I take Sammy as my host, then I will be free, free to finish what I started." The demon grinned, his finger coming to rest against his disfigured lips. "No one can stop me, not even you." He rolled his eyes and suckled his blood coated fingertip. "You can't kill your brother Dean, never could, and never will."

"Oh, I'll kill you, you can bet on that." Dean's spat vehemently as his body shuddered from the rage that was pulsing through his veins. _You son of a bitch, you just watch me kill your ass._

The fallen angel shook his head in amusement. "And it's only appropriate that Sammy here," his red eyes gleamed down at Sam's oblivious form. "That he gets to finish what he started, since he rose me up from hell and all…" Lucifer smiled, "it's the least that I can do!"

Dean watched as Sam's head slowly lolled to the side, confused, unfocused hazels looking right at him.

The possessed beings began to roar around them, moaning, and shrieking, evil hissing in the dark. Dean blinked his eyes, a brilliant red hue suddenly flooding through the shadows. Lucifer's possessed body arched and contorted, head dipping abruptly back. A taunt scream screeched across the vile lips as the demon left its unwilling human host.

Dean's eyes widened. "NO!" He watched helplessly as the black smoke wafted from the being, the used body falling to the ground. It drifted just above Sam as the older brother struggled harder to pull free. _As long as I'm around Sammy, nothing bad is going to happen to you. _"Don't!!" he yelled to no avail.

Lucifer's minions screeched with glee. They released their hold on Dean, and he sank abruptly to his knees, his body un-responding as his green eyes locked on Sammy's moving form.

Sam blinked rapidly awake, looking with immediate confusion at the dark smoke swirling just above his head. _Where am I? _He attempted to figure out what was going on – why his head ached, and why he hurt all over. His chest hurt, and the surface beneath him seemed cold and hard against his back. He attempted to shift, but nothing moved against his strains. _What's going on?_ The stagnant scent of rotten eggs and sulphur assaulted his senses and he strained his eyes to see. He felt his older brother's presence near him, could see him in his peripheral vision. _Dean?_ He turned his head slightly, in an attempt to look at Dean. Unexpectedly, the darkness clamped down against him, the smoke bellowing down against him. His body convulsed and arched up off the rock. _I can't breathe? _ It clogged his senses, stifling all his thoughts. Slowly, his eyes rolled up inside his head, his body no longer fighting, as he was forced into submission.

**-0- **

"This is bullshit," Bobby hissed. He pushed harshly against Castiels hand, but the angels powers seemed to be holding him firmly into place.

The angel didn't budge, a light glow emanating from his hand as he watched the scene play out before him. "Wait…" he whispered, "We must wait for it."

Anger pulsed through Bobby's body. "You …Jesus, help them." Bobby grimaced as he watched Sam arching up off the table, and Dean falling to his knees.

"We must wait," the angel stated again.

**-0-**

**A/N - This story is winding down now. I have enjoyed writing it over the summer break, but now, alas, it is time for us to see the real thing. Yippy- Season 5 starts this week!! This story has a chapter and the epilogue to go. Hope you all hang in there for it. Thank you for reading and taking the time to review. You guys rock! – Denise- **


	23. Chapter 23

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Twenty Three **

**  
**Sam sat bolt upright, the ropes ripping from his torn and tattered limbs as his bare feet fell quickly to the ground. His head twisted unnaturally around on his neck, muscles popping and snapping with the motion, unfamiliar grin curling to his lips.

Dean was transfixed; the fiends who held him slowly released their wretched grips as silence settled in the room.

Sam swayed, confused hazel eyes looking wide eyed and lost.

"Sammy?" Dean stepped forward his hand reaching out for the kid.

Sam leaned into the touch, his head tilting slightly, glassy eyes looking uncertainly at his older brother. "Dean?" he murmured in a fragile voice.

Dean's big brother tendencies kicked into high gear. _Sam's hurt, take care of Sam. _His little brother was far too pale, face drawn up in disconcerting pain lines; cuts and bruises decorating the features beneath his wild disheveled hair. The kid's chest was bleeding profusely, blood running down his torso and soaking into the top of his sagging blue jeans. His unsteady body was weaving and wavering on his weak, unsteady legs.

Dean's fingers latched onto Sam's elbows in an attempt to keep him from toppling face first to the ground. "Take it easy." He said softly.

Sam looked blankly at Dean. His head suddenly tilted backwards, a wicked, uncontrollable laugh rolling hysterically past his lips. He tugged viciously away from his big brother, as his emotional hazels flashed a velvet black.

"Sucker," Lucifer mocked with a wicked, hateful glare.

The watching masses cackled, hooted, and laughed in a loud and brandish pitch.

Satan grinned at Dean and gave a little snort. "You are too gullible big brother," he hissed.

Dean's hands dropped away. "I am not your brother." _Not Sam, not Sam, not Sam. _

"Yeah, well, whatever." The demon spat. The possessed face glared down at Dean, "Now," he smirked, "It's your turn to die," he rolled his eyes, "Again!" He laughed heartily at his little joke. "What is it they say, third times the charm," he tilted his head at an odd angle, "Or, is it the fourth, aw well, whatever…" He grinned.

Sam's hands groped forward, fingers clasping Dean's fragile skin as he wrapped his fingers around his brother's throat. He lifted Dean skyward, his older brother dangling in his grip.

Dean's legs flailed, his hard steel toe boats kicking at Sam's midsection, inflicting injuries he knew would hurt his brother, but did little to the demon that was dwelling inside his body. The fight was futile, Sam didn't flinch, the strength of evil far too much for Dean to try and stop.

The hordes of demons roared with laughter, screeching and screaming in excitement.

"Sam," the older brother wheezed, "F…f…fight it," his vision faltered, a velvety darkness creeping in against his periphery. _Can't breathe - Bobby? Cas?_

Sam's fingers went lax, his eyes blinking back to hazel, his face looked like the five year old that Dean remembered from his youth - - the kid that he had raised.

The choking older brother's face pleaded for Sam to fight the demon, to stay in control.

A loan tear rolled slowly down Sam's cheek. "D…Dean…." he stuttered, "I…I can't…'m s…sorry." His eyes flickered again, then, turned a frightening inky black. His fingers curled tighter around his brother's throat.

Dean looked sluggishly at Sam. He smiled warmly. He wished everything had turned out differently, that he and Sam had lived a normal life. His last conscious thought was of forgiveness before his eyes began to close. _It's okay Sammy I forgive you. _

**-0-**

Castiel kept a tight grip on Bobby, wanting nothing more than to move in for the kill; but it would be stupid move, them with no weaponry to kill Lucifer. _No, they had to wait, the archangel would come._ As he watched the Winchester's suffer at the hands of Satan, self doubt and fear began to bubble in his chest. He chewed his lower lip, his head looking upward in the dark. He whispered in a barely audible voice, "Micheal is coming, right father?"

Bobby's head jerked around, turning abruptly away from the mesmerizing scene playing out in front of him. _"_What'd you say? _Shit! _Bobby pushed against the angel's hand, the hand that was still holding him steadily in place. "He's killing Dean, you stupid son of a bitch."

Castiel's eyes fell on the Winchesters slowly twitching body, dying right in front of him at his little brother's hand. Suddenly, the urge to do something overcame his plans, Gods orders, and he launched forward in a rush.

Released from the angels invisible hold, Bobby Singer ran, fingers yanking up his sawed off. _A lot of good this'll do._ "Hey you son of a bitch, let him go, let them both go." He rammed physically into Sammy's back, abruptly pushing him forward to his knees against the dirt. Dean toppled from his grasp and fell limply to the ground. He visibly shook as his mouth flew open, his body gulping in the air.

Sammy stumbled to his feet.

A sudden bright light descended on the room, so bright you had to shut your eyes. A large screech whined through the chamber as all the possessed demons wretched and moaned, their bodies curling to the floor. One lone entity was standing in the middle of the masses.

"Noooooooooo," Lucifer screamed as he forced Sam's wavering body to stand on wobbly legs. He glared heatedly at the lone woman standing just before him; a golden sword perched within her hand.

Castiel heaved a sigh of relief. _Thank you Lord for letting Micheal come._

Bobby eased down against the dirty ground, his hand resting tightly on Dean's shaking shoulder. "Dean? Son, you okay?"

Dean slowly raised his head, watery green eyes looking up at Bobby. He blinked in amazement at Castiel, and the blond haired woman that stood beside him, clutching tightly at a sword. His chest heaved for oxygen as Bobby helped him push to stand. He swayed. Normally, he'd shove the older man away, do it on his own, but not today. He glanced over at the figure that was Sammy wishing that what he saw was not his little brother with Lucifer in tow.

Castiel grinned at Satan.

"Well, well, well, seems like you made it out of the abyss, huh?" Michael smiled almost warmly.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Hi Mica," he stated flatly, "it's just so good to see you again," he said with a sarcastic evil laugh. He stepped quickly backwards away from the glowing angel.

"It has been a while." The blue eyed, blond headed angel whispered softly, golden sword still perched inside her hand.

Bobby shook his head in disbelief.

Dean just stared. _Mica- the archangel is a girl?_

Lucifer seemed slightly perplexed as he shuffled on Sam's bare feet, his eyes darting from Dean and back to the arch angel. "You know he won't kill me." He stated with a grin. "He won't kill his little brother; we've already proven that fact."

Mica snorted, bejeweled sword gleaming brightly in her hand. "Well, what you say we just give him the chance…huh, Luci, what you say, just for old times sake." The arch angel's blue eyes twinkled with her words as she moved the sword closer towards Dean's hand.

Lucifer stomped his foot, "This is totally not fair."

Bobby snorted, his brows contorting in a V. _This is almost funny._

Mica nudged Dean's hand with the sword, "Here you go," and she winked at him.

Dean looked confused. _Did the arch angel just freaking wink at me? _

Bobby looked stunned.

Suddenly, Sam's head tilted backward, body arching up in pain. The black smoke bellowed quickly past his lips.

The arch angel rolled her eyes as Lucifer waivered in the wind.

The youngest hunter fell forward in a face plant against the dirty ground.

"Well shit, that's just great," Castiel hissed as he watched the biggest demon of them all disappear into the dark.

"I knew he'd chicken out, such a wuss that one." Mica grinned, her fingers ghosting back over the sword and pulling it from Dean's eagerly grasping fingers. "No you don't buddy, no Lucifer, no sword."

"Huh?" Dean was taken aback.

"Damn it," Castiel grumbled.

4


	24. Chapter 24

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: **You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.

**A/N: **Thank you for all the wonderful reviews with this story. You guys have definitely made my summer.

**Disclaimer:** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

**Chapter Twenty Four **

A sudden bright flash of light and the archangel was gone.

Dean's hand fell limply to his side, the feel of the sword lingering on his fingertips, as a warm numbness pulsated lightly through his limbs.

"Shit," he heard Castiel mutter disappointedly behind him.

The oldest Winchester attempted to focus his confused thoughts back on the present, the current here and now, shaking off the residual effects of the sword. He blinked his green eyes in bewilderment, and then squinted against the lingering brightness. Reality was slow to hit him, and then suddenly it came slamming back. His eyes fell immediately to his little brother sprawled out against the rocky ground. He lunged forward, knees dropping harshly to the dirt. "Sammy?" he whispered as his hand ghosted over his unconscious siblings back. _Please God, let him be okay._

"Wait Bobby stated urgently, his face heavy with concern. The senior hunter dropped his gun and squatted down by Sam's unmoving side; he nodded silently at Dean. He shifted his callous hands beneath Sam, assisting Dean to hoist the lifeless Winchester over.

Both men released muted gasps at the sight – Sam was a mess.

"Sweet Jesus," Bobby muttered as he tugged his fingers up to find Sam's pulse point throbbing weakly in his neck. _Thank God_. "He's alive."

Dean scooted closer, "its okay Sammy, I gotcha," he whispered. He gently pulled his little brother back against his chest, Sam's lifeless limbs floundering around. He tucked the dark brown locks beneath his chin, hand cupping Sammy's chin, and easing his unconscious sibling up against his side

"Okay," Bobby said quietly as his hands moved lightly across the lifeless Winchester's body checking the extent of the injuries.

Sammy looked bad, pain lines etched into his face. Cuts, bruises, and deep lacerations were embedded in his skin, and his dirty hair was falling stringy, blood matted, and clumped against his pale and pasty face. But, it was the ragged tear across his chest that gave both hunters cause for grave concern - it was deep and bleeding profusely.

"Give me your shirt," Bobby stated as the fingers of one hand waggled in Dean's face.

Dean stared blankly at his brother. _Oh my god, Sam? _

"Dean…Dean?" Bobby called.

"Huh?" Dean gave a slight grunt as vacant green eyes stared at Sam.

"Dean, look at me son." The older man said gently. "Give…me…your…shirt." He whispered fiercely.

Dean nodded slowly; he hastily glanced down and then shimmied swiftly from his blue jean jacket. He yanked his favorite ACDC shirt up and over his head, leaving behind a dirty white tee shirt.

Bobby pressed the softly faded material against Sam's bleeding chest, tugging Dean's blue jean jacket up against the kid for warmth.

"He's going into shock."

Castiel, who had stood silently by and listened, moved hurriedly behind the weary hunters, blue eyes peering down at Sam.

The young hunter's chest was moving sluggishly, as if he had the weight of the world resting down against him. He panted for air, his fragile body heaving from exertion with every single breath. He shuddered uncontrollably, his head lolling to the side.

"Sam…Sammy?" Dean's fingers brushed across his brother's clammy forehead, pushing back the wayward hair. "Open your eyes, Sam, come on little brother, please look at me." Dean pleaded. _Don't do this…_

Sam sighed. The kid seemed to recognize his older brother's voice and leaned into the touch, his eyebrows scrunching down into a V, as if he were struggling to wake up - to do as he was told. He moaned, hazel eyes slitting barely open, "De…" he whimpered as blood pooled against his lips, then rolled slowly down his chin. He wheezed, his body gasping for some air.

"Sh…sh…sh…it's okay." Dean tugged Sam closer up against him. "It's okay, Sammy, sh…it's okay." Tears welled up in the older brother eyes. _ It just isn't' fair, Sam's been through enough already. _

Castiel frowned. The need to take care of them was overwhelming, something he hadn't expected. He didn't understand why he cared so damn much, maybe he was becoming more human than he should be; maybe God wouldn't be happy. He didn't know, but right now, he felt the conscious need to help.

"Damn it," Bobby spat out heatedly, "you're an angel, do something."

The angel stared at him. "I shouldn't intervene, it is God's will."

"Well, screw that, what the hell you here for anyway?" Bobby yelled, his fingers pressing firmly against the squishy tee shirt that was pooling with Sam's blood.

The angel chewed his lower lip. He'd been reprimanded before. _God frowns on intervening, on time travel, on moving humans to and fro._ He sighed. These two men seemed to love their youngest fiercely, a drive that radiated from them both.

Sam's glassy hazel eyes stared vacantly at Dean. Tears rolled slowly down his cheeks. "S...sorry…" he garbled, and coughed, blood splaying down his lips.

"Easy…easy…" Dean whispered, "you got nothing to be sorry about Sam, nothing," Skimming his thumb gently along his little brother jaw.

Sam's breaths were shallow gasps as he lashes fluttered closed.

"Sam? Sam? Sammy?" _No, no, no, no, not like Cold Oak, not again. _He clutched futilely at his little brother.He closed his eyes, sucked in a painful, shuttering breath, and whispered the closest thing to a prayer he'd ever uttered. "Please…" Blinking back hot, angry tears, he called out for his brother again; a deep, enduring cry that felt like it was ripping from his chest.

"Sammy!"

Castiel immediately reached for Sam.

Dean abruptly pulled Sam away, wild eyes looking uncomprehendingly at the angel. A sudden possessiveness overcame him and his arms wrapped tighter around his baby brother. _No_. He tugged him up against his chest. _I'm not letting you have him, no angels, no demons; no one gets him…no one. _

"Dean," Bobby whispered, his own tears welling in his eyes. Memories of Cold Oak assaulted him. _The kid is losing it._ He looked pleadingly at Castiel. _Do something…_

The angel dropped against his knee, prying Sam's lifeless body away from his big brother's grasp.

"No," Dean screamed, hands scrambling to hang on, "You can't have him!"

A blinding burst of light engulfed them all.

**-0- **

Dean looked perplexedly at the linoleum beneath him. _What happened to the dirt?_ His eyes attempted to focus in the light. He looked blankly at the limp figure cradled in his lap. _Sammy?_ The smell of antiseptic assaulted his senses. _Where am I?_ He blinked in confusion. _ Hospital? _ He attempted to figure out why he was covered in blood and hugging Sammy tightly to his chest. _What's going on?_ Noises filtered in around him.

"Where'd they come from?"

"Doctor!"

"We need a gurney…stat."

"Help, we need help out here."

"Dean, let go."

Shoes shuffled on the floor, voices waning in and out of Dean's head, a firm hand gripping to his arm.

"Dean…"

"Kid's not breathing…MOVE!"

"Dean, let them help him." Bobby's steady voice resounded in his head.

He didn't want to let go. He clasped his little brother tighter. _No,no,no,no,no._

Hands he didn't recognize pushed and shoved at him, pulling Sam away. He blinked wide eyes as disorientation washed over him. _Don't take Sammy, please. _ He swayed on his knees, his butt falling abruptly to the floor, his connection severed, as his little brother was taken from his arms, and time itself seemed to stop.

5


	25. Chapter 25

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: ****You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.**

**A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews with this story. **

**Disclaimer:**** Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.**

**Chapter Twenty Five **

"Here," a firm voice drifted in Dean's ears. "Drink this," the tone demanded.

He lifted his heavy head from its empty stare at a dirty spot on the floor; his unclear green eyes looking blankly at the steaming paper cup.

"I said, drink it." The hunter nudged the hot coffee cup into Dean's slightly shaking hand. "You got it? Don't spill it." The senior hunter said authoritatively as he gazed carefully at Dean's pale, slightly incoherent, face.

Dean's quivery fingers latched onto the warm coffee cup. He glanced down to see a light blue hospital blanket tucked loosely across his chest. _Where am I? _Recognition dawned slowly on his features; the sights and sounds of the room slowly soaking into his foggy brain. He blinked. _A hospital waiting room? _

Bobby sighed. _Looks like the kids coming round._ He slumped tiredly back down in the chair right next to Dean and sipped slowly on his own steaming cup.

"You zoned out on me there." The older man whispered. _Not surprising since your little brother died. _

After several minutes, Dean's head began to clear. _He didn't remember even getting here, let alone zoning out. _He pushed to set up straighter in the chair the warm coffee sloshing in the cup. _The last thing he remembered was Lucifer, and Sam…Oh God._ "Where's Sammy?" his shaky voice rasped out.

"You with me now, kid?" Bobby asked as he eyed the younger man. "'Cause I don't want to have to tell you this twice." There was no heat in his words, only deep concern as he smiled. His callous hand patted lightly on Dean's thigh.

Dean nodded slightly.

"Sam's back there," Bobby tilted his head at the swinging doors directly in front of them. "The doctors are working on him right now."

Dean's eyes grew wider. _It was real, I didn't dream it?_

"Castiel dropped us off here, and left, but hey," Bobby continued as he sipped on his cooling cup of coffee. "Damn angel was finally good for something." He snorted then gulped down some of the quickly cooling liquid.

"How is he?" Dean asked shakily.

"He's still with us; he was…" Bobby choked somewhat on his words; he swallowed thickly, "he's breathing, the doc says it might be awhile before we hear anything."

Dean swigged down the coffee and scrunched the cup tighter in his fingers. _Sammy died in my arms, just like Cold Oak, all over…_ He blinked back the tears forming in his eyes. _Get it together Winchester._ He sighed and pushed the limp blue blanket until it pooled on the dirty floor by his boots.

Bobby eyed him cautiously, "Sam's gonna be fine, Dean, he's a strong kid." his voice strong, wanting to reassure the younger hunter.

Dean nodded. _I'll make sure of that._ He sucked in a steadying breath of air. His eyes glowered at the doors that kept him separated from his brother, anger rising in his chest. _Satan wouldn't get his paws on my little brother again – not ever! Son of a bitch is going down! _

-0-

Sam's first coherent thought was that he was comfortable, resting against something soft and warm. He nuzzled his face deeper into the warmth, nose scrunching up at the crisp, antiseptic smell against his skin. _Hospital – huh? _His senses recognized the smells, but he languished there, too tired to tug open his heavy eyelids to confirm his fleeting thought.

"….Sam….Sammy?" Dean's voice filtered in through the fog. "Open your eyes, Sam. C'mon, Sam, please. Open your eyes. Look at me."

Sam frowned at the distressed sound of his older brother's voice. Something must be wrong, Dean sounded irritated, anxious, and vaguely out of sorts. Gentle fingers carded through his hair.

"He's waking up." A voice that sounded a lot like Bobby Singer drifted in Sam's ears.

"Sam, come on man, it's been nearly two days."

Sam frowned, a sigh ghosting past his lips.

"You open your eyes right now Sammy…you hear me." Dean's voice demanded, although, his fingers still caressed.

Sam knew he had to open his lead laden lids, he knew in his subconscious that Dean really needed for him too. His head rolled slowly towards the familiar voice.

Dean's hand pressed against his little brother's cheek. "That's it Sam, wake up for me, please…" he encouraged.

_Is Dean begging? _Well, that did it, there was no way Sam was not opening his eyes now. Dean never begged him to do anything, unless he was really worried or upset.

Sam's pealed his eyes open, staring blearily at Dean. He blinked several times, attempting to clear the fuzziness. He felt groggy, overmedicated, and tired, so very, very tired. Slowly, the figure above him began to clear, anxious green eyes coming into focus. He could see the way Deans shoulders heaved up and down with every single breath, his big brother was very close to losing it.

Dean sighed, a slow smile curling to his lips. He was happy, happy as hell to see the silted hazels gazing up at him. _Thank God._

"Thank god," Bobby uttered Dean's thought as he leaned back in the chair by the window.

"Hey Sammy," Dean whispered, blinking back the moisture that had accumulated in his eyes.

Suddenly, Sam's face paled. His eyes widened, then, darted hastily around the room. He shuddered and heaved to catch his breath, arms pushing weakly on the sheets. _Lucifer, I couldn't get away. _

"Hey, hey, take it Easy," Dean's hand moved flat against Sam's shoulder blade, squeezing it with firm but gentle fingers. "Look at me. Sammy, look at me."

The kid's eyes rolled fearfully back to stare at Dean. "It's okay, you're okay."

Sam's breathing slowly fell back into a normal rhythm as he looked wide eyed at Dean. He swallowed thickly. _So thirsty…._

"Hang on," Dean said as he nodded his head at Bobby. He eased his hand gently behind Sam's wayward hair, holding up his lolling head.

The senior hunter retrieved the cup of water from the side table and moved it quickly to Sam's lips. "Slow, small sips kid; don't want to make yourself sick."

Sam blinked sluggishly at Bobby. He gulped the cool liquid greedily until the senior hunter pulled the cup away. Dean settled him back against the pillow. The effort alone wore the young man completely out and he struggled to keep his heavy eyelids open.

Bobby grinned at Dean. _The kid's making a valiant effort to stay awake. _

"Dean?" Sam mumbled as his lashes fell shut . He abruptly tugged his eyes back open.

A warm, familiar hand brushed lightly through his bed mussed hair, a voice drifting in his ears, and his eyelids closed again.

"Your okay Sam, I gotcha, you're safe. You just sleep now, little brother."

And Sam did.

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	26. Chapter 26

**I'm Sorry**

**By supernaturaldh**

**Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert **

**Beta: You are in a beta free zone, so be nice.**

**A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews with this story. Sorry to see it end, but not to worry, my mind is working overtime on a new one!!**

**Disclaimer: Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.**

**Chapter Twenty Six **

Dean's head rose from its position languishing on his bent arms against the side of Sam's hospital bed. His sleepy emerald eyes looked from Sam's lax face tiredly up at the doctor's; the freshly shaven, smiling man, in the crisp white coat, who was shuffling loudly into the room. It was early still, just after six in the morning, and the sun was already blaring through the partially open window blinds. _Damn guy is way to chipper this early in the freaking morning._

"So how's our boy doing?" The doctor looked inquiringly at Dean's haggard face and then began to fiddle with Sam's IV and monitor his vitals.

Bobby simply grunted from behind him, hunters speak for - man I need some coffee.

"He woke up for a little while," Dean offered up tiredly as he scrubbed his fingers up across his three day old shadow and squinted at the doctor. He heard Bobby yawn behind him, and then the older hunter moved over stiffly to close the partially open blinds. _Thank God, that sunshine is killing me. _

"Well, he seems to be on the road to recovery. His vitals are good. We patched up the tear in his collapsed lung, and sixty two stitches later, here we are." The doctor fiddled with his papers and scribbled something on Sam's chart. "He'll need breathing treatments for quite a while with that lung." He hung the chart back on the end of Sam's bed as he looked intently across at Dean and Bobby.

Dean frowned and Bobby sighed.

"Not to worry, your brother will be fine." The doctor reassured. "He'll be on good pain meds for a few days, but then, baring all complications, we'll cut him loose."

Dean couldn't help the smile that eased up to his lips, "Thank you, doc." He extended his hand.

The doctor smiled, and gave Dean's hand a shake, "Obviously," He nodded over at Bobby. "Your father here raised a fighter. You can't keep the kid down."

Bobby's eyes widened, but he didn't say a word.

If possible, Dean's grin grew even bigger.

**-0- **

The sleek black Impala wound slowly down the open road, Bobby's body languishing across the worn leather back seat. He glanced up at 'his boys' in the front seat and smiled warmly.

Dean was driving, eyes fixed far off down the roadway, fingers tapping lightly to the ACDC song playing lightly on the radio. Bobby shook his head. _Kid wouldn't turn it up louder, 'cause Sammy was asleep. _

Sam was cramped up against the passenger door, long legs leaning on the dash, warm blanket tucked around his slender frame.

Bobby shook his head and smiled at the picture. He and Dean had absconded Sammy to the back seat upon release from the hospital, but the kid would not comply. He could still see the puppy dog eyes blinking widely up at him as they wheeled Sam outside to the car. "Please Uncle Bobby; I want to set up front with Dean." The older hunter grinned quietly to himself; it was the wide eyed five-year-old he remembered from so very long ago. _How could he deny this kid anything?_ If riding shotgun made Sammy happy, well, then far be it from him to deny the kid some pleasure, after everything he'd been through, he deserved it.

It had been a difficult couple of months for both brothers; what with Dean's time in hell, Ruby, Sam drinking demon blood, and the big double cross with Lillith that led to Satan's rise from hell._ It had been hard on them, these two kids that he had helped to raise._ The senior hunter sighed. _John Winchesters boys were tough, he'd give'm that. _He smiled warmly at his friend's memory. He knew he was a lucky man; he still had 'John's sons,' 'his boys' with him, and for that much, he was glad. He hunched down further into the worn leather, small smile curling to his lips.

**-0- **

Two Weeks Later:

Sam sat silently on the front porch eyes gazing out at the sun setting quietly over the tops of too many junk yard cars to even count. He found it amazing that the world could be coming to an end. It was so peaceful here, the sun slowly sliding down behind the horizon, the quiet breeze blowing silently through the trees. If he didn't know any better, he'd think it all was just a lie – he knew better.

He sighed heavily and dropped his tired head down to rest inside his palms, an uncontrollable whimper slowly rolling past his lips. _Keep it together Winchester, keep it together._ It was hard to stay focused and not dwell on what he'd done. He laughed almost hysterically. _I brought about the end of the world, single handedly_. Him, and only him - he'd done it - all by himself.

Hot tears rolled slowly down his face. His body trembled, shivering. His thoughts ran back to demons and blood, and Ruby and evil, and Lucifer and hell. He heaved shakily for some air. He had defied his older brother, turned his back on everything. He had turned into a monster, and for what, for what? He screamed inside -_ absolutely nothing. _

He sobbed uncontrollably.

He didn't hear the screen door open.

"Dean, you better come out here." Bobby's concerned voice yelled inside the house. "Shit, I knew this was coming."

Sam didn't hear the words, or the silent footfalls quickly treading toward him on the porch.

"Sammy?" Dean grabbed Sam's shoulder tightly, his eyes wide with deep concern.

"Oh God, I'm sorry….so, so sorry." Sam gasped over and over; his hands clutching at the sides of his head, clawing uncontrollably in his hair.

"Sam, Stop." Fingers grasped at both his hands, pulling them down to rest against a chest.

Sam writhed in the hold, it was almost impossible to take in any air, he hiccupped, his body dragging and sucking in unrelenting sobs.

"Shah…Sammy…sh...Sh...Sh…it's okay," a familiar voice whispered. "It's going to be okay. We're going to do this together, together little brother, you and me."

"P…p...promise," a small, shaky voice whispered through too long shaggy bangs.

Dean's vision blurred. This was the kid that he remembered, the kid that needed him, needed his big brother, and needed his family. This was his Sammy.

"Promise," Dean reassured as he swallowed down the large lump that was setting in his throat. His strong arms pulled Sammy toward him. _Screw the chick flick moment, he needs me. _

Sam cried harder against his older brother's shoulder, his body heaving from the tears. _Why did I trust her? I let Lucifer loose…_ "De...e...a...n..." Sam burrowed closer.

Dean just held on tighter. "Shhhh, its okay, Sammy, its okay," he cooed.

Bobby stood silently behind the screen door, watching, his own tears welling to his eyes. _Damn it_. He swiped his hands inconspicuously across his face.

Slowly, Sam began to relax, his tired body leaning into Dean.

"You with me Sam?"

Sam's teardrops dwindled down to nothing, his distraught body well and truly spent. His shaky fingers reached and twisted in Dean's tee shirt.

Dean rested his chin on the top of Sam's wayward hair and pulled his boneless baby brother up against his chest. He wished there was a way to make everything better for Sam. But, he knew there wasn't - he couldn't take Sam's pain away. He couldn't change what Sam had done, and no matter how bad he wanted to, he couldn't fix this.

**THE END!**

_**A/N: I know I left this open ended, but it's hard to move forward being that the series has kind of left it hanging here. I could make it up, but lets face it, my ending would never live up to what we all want to see. So I am leaving it here, letting us revel in Sam's angst over what he has done, and Dean's inability to fix it. Thanks for reading. –Denise-**_

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